Hannigan’s “Truck Nutz”
FAYETTEVILLE, AR - Larry Hannigan’s life took an unexpected turn on Monday, when he discovered his 10-month old child, Henry, had developed a Truck Nuts allergy.
Following a recent family trip to Ozark National Forest in the family’s Truck Nuts-adorned Ford F-150 pickup truck, Hannigan noticed a rash consuming much of Henry’s body.
“At first, I thought it might’ve been some poison oak from the camping we were doing,” Hannigan said. “But then I put the little guy in the truck and took him over to Home Depot the other day, and the same thing happened.”
After some tests, it was determined Henry has an allergy to Truck Nuts, the plastic truck accessory resembling human testicles inside a scrotum. Truck Nuts first appeared in the United States in 1998 and first sold on the internet in 1999.
Hannigan’s wife Betsy expressed alarm at the diagnosis. “Never in a million years did I even think a child could even have an allergic reaction to something like that. We’re definitely going to have to be more careful.”
Asked whether her child’s allergy meant the family would remove the accessory in question, Ms. Hannigan wasn’t as definitive. “I don’t know,” pondered Betsy. “Larry sure loves those Nuts. He used to spend hours tinkering with that truck. Now, everytime I look out in the driveway he’s rubbing Armor-All on those things.”
Occurences of Truck Nuts allergies have become increasingly common in certain regions of the United States, particularly in areas with a high-density of oversized pickup trucks.
Management of Truck Nuts allergies depends on strict avoidance of Truck Nuts. For young children, this usually depends on the of care of interested adults. There are some places, however, where it may be especially difficult to avoid Truck Nuts. These include NASCAR races, Shoney’s restaurants, and family reunions at forest preserves.
Hannigan indicated he has no plans to get rid of the truck or the Truck Nuts.
“Look, the most important thing to me is Hank’s health,” Hannigan told reporters. “But I’ll be damned if I’m going to castrate my pride and joy just because the kid is getting itchy. I mean, all my friends co-workwers have seen the Nuts. What kind of man would I be to let some uppity doctor tell me what to do with my Ford? I bought the damn thing.”
Hannigan concluded, ”I’d still rather have a kid with a Nuts allergy than drive a Chevy.”