South Beach, 2025
(originally posted 2/10/10)
UPDATE: So it’s as hot as fuck out east because, you know, it’s July. Anyway, I’m just checking in because although You Know and I Know daily mid-Atlantic microtrends in weather do not offer any proof or disproof with regard to climate change, some people with soapboxes and microphones evidently lost that perspective last winter. I just wanted to see if the pendulum-of-idiocy had swung in the other direction. Predictably, it hasn’t. Science deniers remain scientifically dipshits. too bad.
I was expecting a contrite James Inhofe & Family to be building a series of solar-powered sand castles labeled “Gore Village.” But to no avail.
For the record, NASA determined 2009 to be the 2nd warmest year on record.
SNOW MY GOD WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE…
…but thankfully, global warming will have nothing to do with it. According to these experts, 2 February snowstorms in the Mid-Atlantic mean climate change is a fable because that’s where all the myopic politicians live.
Exhibit A – Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC):
Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) on Tuesday used the D.C. snowstorm to make a political jab, saying that it provides evidence for global warming skeptics.
“It’s going to keep snowing in DC until Al Gore cries “uncle,” the conservative Senator tweeted on Twitter.
Zing! Exhibit B - Dr. Sean Hannity:
“It’s the most severe winter storm in years, which would seem to contradict Al Gore’s hysterical global warming theories.”
Pile on! Let’s hear from Exhibit C, the man with the B.A. + real estate background, the Senate’s biggest amateur scientist and denier of climate change who just happened to get close to $1m from oil companies over the last decade…a guy who keeps his garage heated at 90F just to be an asshole. I present Senator Jim Inhofe (R-OK):
The Oklahoma Republican’s daughter, Molly Rapert; her husband, Jimmy; and their four children built an igloo — roomy enough to fit several people inside — at Third Street and Independence Avenue Southeast. They officially dedicated the humble abode in honor of global-warming crusader Gore, even posting a cardboard sign on the igloo’s roof reading “AL GORE’S NEW HOME” on one side and “HONK IF YOU [HEART] GLOBAL WARMING” on the other. Inhofe told HOH that he found his family’s ironic tribute to Gore — which came during one of Washington’s snowiest winters on record — “really humorous.”
Hey-o! Looks like someone inherited the knack for building houses. While these hilarious antics are considered good-natured for the GOP, the air horns of faulty causal relationships wouldn’t be complete without a meek Democrat running for the slopes…
Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-N.M.) said the blizzards that have shut down Congress have made it more difficult to argue that global warming is an imminent danger.
“It makes it more challenging for folks not taking time to review the scientific arguments,” said Bingaman, who as the chairman of the Energy and Natural Resources Committee has jurisdiction over energy and climate change issues.
“People see the world around them and they extrapolate,” Bingaman said. “I think that it’s hard to see an economy-wide cap-and-trade [proposal] of the type that passed the House could prevail,” he added, though he suggested a more limited alternative could have a better chance.
Totally! Getting stuff done is just so hard with all these Republicans talking out of their asses. Since the Media is going to treat these campaign slogans as legitimate scientific criticism, I guess I might as well defer to these idiots, tuck my tail between my snowpants, head back to Santa Fe, and sit on my roof with a fucking shovel.
At the risk of hitting my head against the wall, can we venture to agree that one infantesimally small sample size of weather does not an established theory break?
When asked, Bingham could’ve done his own cherry-picking: Last month was the hottest January on record; Last decade was the warmest on record; There’s no snow in Canada and the Winter Olympics are going to start in 3 days. Holy Shit! The Olympics need snow??!! How will we determine which country is best at chasing someone on skis while firing a gun?! Mary Matalin + Donna Brazile, you are neither scientists or athletes. Your thoughts?
With so many issues that deserve constructive debate, it’s fantastic that we can take the time to manufacture an issue out of a 20-yr global scientific consensus. This country is hilarious. Stay warm.