Archive for May, 2011

Grown Man’s Letter To A Specific Location – Nashville

Posted by Matt on Monday, May 30th, 2011

Dear Nashville,

Good afternoon. I hope this letter finds you well.  I’m sure it finds you dirty.  How’s your day going? I hope you found something constructive to do with the self-respect I left somewhere around town this weekend.

one of your resident's myspace photo. yep.

Let’s just get this of the way:  I’m guessing there are a lot of places where the lines between stripper and prostitute get blurred like the vision of that 52-year old Jimmy Buffett fan from Fayetteville. Not sure how many do it with such gusto. Your character is concealed like the handguns of your bar patrons.  Kudos.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not writing you to discuss the sex trade.  I don’t have the kind of money you’re looking for.

But I do have a question. They call you ‘Music City.’ Is that something you came up with?  Pretty ballsy to call your own number like that. I will concede that you are a city and there’s music.  However, at least in the downtown area, it’s hard to tell where one bar/band ends and another bar/band begins. (Caveat: well-done to the Saturday afternoon set band with the frontwoman who did a kickass version of “Jolene.”  Awesome.)

If you get back to me, just let me know how you can claim that title as opposed to, say, Austin.

I don’t mean to sound critical.  I like a little honky-tonk now and then. To each their own and you are certainly a fun time.  Though I’m not sure I really need to take a flight to drink dozens of beers and have a girl from suburban Chicago comment on how skinny I am.  I used to call that ‘Friday.’

But back to the music thing…There’s really a song that goes, “God is great, and Beer is Good…and People are craaaazay?”  That’s literally a hit? I hear it everywhere. Are you cool with this? Speaking of which, I’ve been working on my own country tune. Here’s what I have so far. Let me know what you think.

21st Century Country Song

I fly the stars n’ stripes,

I fly the stars n’ bars,

with no sense of irony

now let’s talk about cars

——-

And I like women.

I like ‘em a lot.

Now somethin’ bout Jesus

We’ll give it a shot.

——–

I’m singin’ country sonnggs.  Twenty-First century country sonnnngs

Gonna say some shit about liquor and trucks

Play it on the radio, make big bucks,

I’m singin’ country songggs.

You’re welcome.

The Vanderbilt campus has some nice trees and asian grad students.  FYI

Anyway, I’m sure there are sections of town off the beaten path with some hidden gems. I’m sure someday I might get there. I’m sure someday I’ll be allowed back in a Marriott-family hotel.  I’m sure someday me and my 8 asshole buddies will rent that commercial space on 4th Street and open that community center/pharmacy. I’ll work the cash register and run the family planning department. That day is not today.

In short, it was a pleasure to come and a pleasure to go. I’ll see you again.  But we probably need a little space.  I still need to wash you off. Take care.

Sincerely,

Grown Man

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Men’s Health Cover Man Also Healthy Congressman With Flair

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

haha matt. i believe i have that shirt in ‘blue.’ excuse me, ‘indigo.’
FOR THE RECORD, Aaron Schock (IL-18) has voted against marriage equality and the repeal of DADT.  
 
 
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Black Guy Who Made Guest Appearance On “Scrubs” Is Too Radical For Sean Hannity

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

Chicago rapper Common visited the President at the White House the other day some day in the future prior to May 21st’s Rapture. Sean Hannity thinks this is inappropriate because this black guy assembles words that rhyme, and no urban influence should be welcomed in Washington D.C., a safe-haven for aristocratic agrarians and their kin.

“If this was somebody who used the same type of rhetoric about violence against President Obama I would be against it. . . . This is inappropriate for a President and he goes back to his radical roots again and again and again. Ayers, Wright, Pfleger.”

Nailed it. Commiserating with hiphop stars with econ. college credits is radical, bordering on terror-hop.  Maybe if Common did his Constitutional duty to be “a friend and frequent guest of [Hannity's] program,” he would be welcomed into the East Wing and showered with gifts from Mary Todd Lincoln’s secret laudanum stash:

On the August 24 edition of Fox News’ Hannity & Colmes, co-host Sean Hannity aired video footage of musician and right-wing activist Ted Nugent at an August 21 concert calling Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) a “piece of shit” and referring to Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) as a “worthless bitch.” In the video clip, Nugent holds up what appear to be two assault rifles and says he told Obama “to suck on my machine gun” and says he told Clinton “you might want to ride one of these into the sunset.” After airing the clip, Hannity referred to Nugent as a “friend and frequent guest on the program,” and then compared Nugent’s comments to recent statements by Obama, which Hannity again distorted by claiming Obama “accus[ed] our troops of killing civilians.”

You can catch Sean Hannity’s self-parody weeknights on Fox News.

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Gratuitous World Blog

    • College Football Players, Awaken…
      January 29, 2014

      [Former NCAA President Myles Brand:] They can’t be paid. [Q:] Why? [Brand:] Because they’re amateurs. [Q:] What makes them amateurs? [Brand:] Well, they can’t be paid. [Q:] Why not? [Brand:] Because they’re amateurs. [Q:] Who decided they are amateurs? [Brand:] We did. [Q:] Why? [Brand:] Because we don’t pay them. – Michael Rosenberg’s 2010 Sports Illustrated interview of former NCAA president Myles Brand Yesterday, quarterback Kain Colter led a group […]

    • GW: Favorite Albums Of 2013
      January 11, 2014

      On time as always! Happy New Year. 20.  Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City:  Ok kids, we get it. Good work. 19.  Scott & Charlene’s Wedding – Any Port In A Storm 18.  Charlie Parr – Barnswallow 17. My Bloody Valentine – MBV:  Per usual, I can’t understand a fucking word, but still pretty […]

    • REPOST!…SNOW MY GOD WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE…
      January 7, 2014

      (originally posted 2/10/10) then again (7/9/10) now one more time before retirement. for love. UPDATE: So it’s as hot as fuck out east because, you know, it’s July. Anyway, I’m just checking in because although You Know and I Know daily mid-Atlantic microtrends in weather do not offer any proof or disproof with regard to […]