Archive for October, 2011

Aspiring State Senator Probably Going To End Up As Maxim Advice Columnist

Posted by Matt on Saturday, October 22nd, 2011


Meet Phil Mitsch. State Senate Candidate. Realtor. Man.

Mitsch, a retired real estate broker running in a heavily Democratic district in Camden County, told The Philadelphia Inquirer he was actually advising men with his Twitter post. He told his 44,000 followers on Sept. 2: “Women, you increase your odds of keeping your men by being faithful, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.”

It’s good for your Old Lady to compartmentalize, though he forgot to add – “and never shit, even in the bathroom.”

Some GOP leaders asked Mitsch to withdraw from the race, so Phil logically doubled down on the misogyny.

“That’s a great tip,” he said at a meeting Wednesday with the editorial board. “That shows the utmost respect for women. … What I was trying to say to men was, ‘Men, look, if you got to go out and play around and you can’t be honest with a woman and respect her, then you’re better off just doing pay, play, and get the ‘F’ away.’”

Teach your children well.

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Transformers’ Brain Trust Can’t Handle Divergent Opinions On Moderately Accessible Female Musician

Posted by Matt on Friday, October 21st, 2011


I was reading Pitchfork’s review of the new Feist album in order to formulate an original opinion. Then a link caught my eye.

This is (by far) the best nugget I’ve taken from the site.

Shia LaBeouf learned how to play with others on action-movie sets, which may help explain why he’s often ready for a fight. One scrape last October during the filming of “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” at Florida’s Kennedy Space Center pitted the young actor against director Michael Bay over a song.

With military and NASA personnel watching, Bay and his leading man were shooting an emotional sequence from the script’s third act on a shuttle launchpad at Cape Canaveral. To put himself in a somber frame of mind, LaBeouf plugged his iPod into some speakers and started playing a wistful ballad, Feist’s “Brandy Alexander.”

“Yeah, it’s a little feminine, but it touches me,” LaBeouf says, starting to pepper his recollection with more expletives than are allowed in the PG-13 film. “I feel something when I hear it. … But Mike doesn’t want to listen to ‘Brandy Alexander’ under the rocket with 50 military dudes around.”

Bay unplugged the actor’s iPod, LaBeouf says, and replaced it with his own, cueing up the propulsive, orchestral “The Dark Knight” score. “I take him aside, I’m like, ‘Mike, this is the most important moment in the movie for me. The crux of my whole character, my whole arc. That doesn’t work for me, dude.’ … Now it’s two dudes ready to kill each other. … Spit’s flying.” According to LaBeouf, Bay left the set with the NASA/military entourage, and his director of photography finished shooting the sequence without him. (Bay declined to be interviewed for this piece.)

After much deliberation, 2 armored truck explosions, and a Red Bull/vodka-induced LaBeouf temper tantrum, the 2 douchebags settled on that Aerosmith song from Armageddon.

After working on three “Transformers” movies together, the 25-year-old actor says, Bay is “sort of my big brother. …We’re both very game, very passionate people. Sometimes it’s not actor-director. Sometimes it’s two dudes yelling over explosions. Sometimes it doesn’t sound like the friendliest conversation. But we love each other.”

The greatest love story Bay has produced.

As for Feist, the new album is pretty good. Graveyard is a beautiful song. I’d give it about a 7.8. Nahhh, 7.7.

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Republicans Cool With Country’s Failure, a/k/a – All Class

Posted by Matt on Friday, October 21st, 2011

It’s like they’re in the Andrew Luck derby.  If the country sucks enough, it’s more likely their tribe will win.  Unfortunately, we’ve seen the debates. There’s no Andrew Luck in that crew. (Perry’s probably the closest – Texan with decent arm strength)

So though the country will still suck, they can sleep easy on their bed of concrete and McGriddle wrappers.

In the new CNN poll, Republicans are the only group that wants Obama’s policies to fail. From the internals:

In general, do you hope that Barack Obama’s policies will succeed or do you hope that his policies will fail?

Republicans: Succeed 39

Fail 51

By contrast, 66 percent of independents want his policies to succeed, and 67 percent of overall Americans want that, too.

Back in 2003, I was staunch in my opposition to the Iraq War.  Did that mean I didn’t want us to successfully bring glorious, oh glorious, corruption-free democracy to the Fertile Crescent? Eradicate all the (supposed) WMDs per Colin Powell’s polite request? Open up their first Citgo/Taco Bell?  Nope. I like to be right, but no correct prediction is worth $2 trillion and 100,000s of lives.

When the criminally immoral enterprise was exposed and the operation itself shown to be an absolute shitshow, did I speak about it with a sense of smug haughtiness? Yes. Yes I did. I ‘told you so’ people all over town. However, (dare I say) wanting the sitting president to fail is pretty anti-American.  You know who else wants America to fail? Terr’ists!!! and maybe the Chinese gymnastics team.

here’s the rub…

Even more interesting, when Republicans are then asked about some of the Obama policy ideas themselves — without Obama’s name attached to them — majorities support them.

So to sum it up: GOP 2011 – We’re going to scream loudly about what ails this country because it’s not sick enough to guarantee an election victory.

All class.

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Gratuitous Video – Jay Cutler Channels What Pretty Much Every Bears’ Fan Wants To Say To Mike Martz

Posted by Matt on Monday, October 17th, 2011

Behind the curtain.


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Philadelphia – Shaming William Penn One Day At A Time

Posted by Matt on Saturday, October 15th, 2011

During Wednesday’s Flyers’ game, Philly fans managed to clear enough drool out of their mouths to boo an intermission video featuring some of their rivals’ star players.  That video? “Hockey Fights Cancer.”  Of course it was.

Of course, when I think about Lance Armstrong I get slightly less “anti-cancer.”  But I’m an asshole, so that doesn’t mean much.  Bill Burr sums it up pretty well. “The whole pride of your city is built around a fucking guy who doesn’t even exist…”  and “Remember they had that one season when they wore the slacks…”

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Happy Birthday, Stranger!

Posted by Matt on Friday, October 14th, 2011

Daniela Pestova is 41 today. And that’s about all I have to say about that.

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Herman Cain Steals Tax Plan From PBS Children’s Show

Posted by Matt on Friday, October 14th, 2011

Herman Cain is the latest Flavor of the Week competing with Mitt Romney for the Republican nomination.  That flavor is ‘pepperoni.’ Cain has been touting his unfeasible and regressive 9-9-9 tax plan, and MAN is it catchy.

However, I just can’t shake the feeling I’ve heard this all before. In song.

I loved Square One when I was a kid.  Its run coincided with the peak of my Mathematical ability.  godspeed, Mr. Cain. May your shitty pizza fortune spring forth more catchy proposals + maybe next time include Count Von Count.

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Republicans Love Females – And By That I Mean Fetuses Possibly Developing Vaginas

Posted by Matt on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Lipinski - probably going as himself for Halloween.

Unemployment has been an issue since late 2008. The GOP stormed the 2010 elections on a “Jobs First” platform. A year later, no jobs legislation and the economy’s only growth sector is ‘K-Street Fluffers.’  So what happened to “Jobs First?” Well…they’ll eventually get around to proposing tax cuts for the wealthy and further poisoning our air and water, henceforth saving our shattered republic.  However, they first have to soften up the job market by endangering women’s health.

H.R. 358 – The Protect Life Act (hilarious!) is coming to the House floor soon.  What we have here is a classic 2-Fer:

1.  The bill would permit federally funded hospitals to refuse abortion services even to women who would likely die without the procedure.

2.  The bill would deny federal funding to a health care plan that offers to pay for abortion services even in life-threatening  circumstances.

This provision would apply to the more than 600 Catholic hospitals governed by the Catholic Health Association, which are regulated by bishops and prohibited from performing abortions.  So I’m sure nothing could go wrong there.

Said majority-weasel Eric Cantor, ”We will bring to the floor a bill to ensure that no taxpayer dollars flow to health care plans that cover abortion and no health care worker has to participate in abortions against their will,” he said.

“First, Do No Harm!” ”First, I’m only going to do the parts of my job I enjoy.”

To be fair, the GOP is not alone in proposing this woman-hating, zygote-friendly proposal.  I would be remiss if I didn’t point out my former rep and current shriveled, reanimated corpse of Anthony Perkins – nepotistic jellyfish Dan Lipinski (D-IL 03). He’s a fantastic exhibit as to the virtues of rubbers and other contraception.  He’s co-sponsoring the Bill, but miraculously his website is scrubbed of this information.

Read the bill here, and the predictably reasonable take of the Catholic Church over at Mother Jones.

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Happy Birthday, Stranger!

Posted by Matt on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Paul Simon turns flippin’ 70 today.  He still has it, as evidenced by his decent + recent So Beautiful Or So What album.


Check out Simon Live In Osaka, 1974.  Good stuff.

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America Loves Cultural Abominations Jersey Shore, Manning-less Colts’ Football

Posted by Matt on Thursday, October 13th, 2011

I don’t know what’s more confounding – an ugly MNF game absolutely pasting fantastic post-season baseball, or the continued allure of the gonorrhea-promoting MTV reality hit.

Pauly D, sporting Colts' shirt and accompanying helmet.

Who am I kidding? I watched them both.

Rankings for the top 15 programs on cable networks as compiled by Nielsen for the week of Oct. 3-9. Day and start time (EDT) are in parentheses:

1. NFL Football: Indianapolis at Tampa Bay (Monday, 8:30 p.m.), ESPN, 8 million homes, 10.83 million viewers.

2. Major League Baseball Division Series: Detroit at N.Y. Yankees (Thursday, 8 p.m.), TBS, 7.15 million homes, 9.72 million viewers.

3. Major League Baseball Division Series: St. Louis at Philadelphia (Friday, 8:54 p.m.), TBS, 5.88 million homes, 8.38 million viewers.

4. Major League Baseball Division Series: N.Y. Yankees at Detroit (Tuesday, 8:30 p.m.), TBS, 5.23 million homes, 7.01 million viewers.

5. “Jersey Shore” (Thursday, 10 p.m.), MTV, 4.96 million homes, 6.59 million viewers.

6. Major League Baseball Division Series: N.Y. Yankees at Detroit (Monday, 9 p.m.), TBS, 4.46 million homes, 6.04 million viewers.

7. Major League Baseball Division Series: Philadelphia at St. Louis (Tuesday, 5:20 p.m.), TBS, 3.5 million homes, 4.61 million viewers.

8. Major League Baseball Division Series: Arizona at Milwaukee (Friday, 5 p.m.), TBS, 3.45 million homes, 4.59 million viewers.

9. Major League Baseball Division Series: Philadelphia at St. Louis (Wednesday, 6 p.m.), TBS, 3.4 million homes, 4.5 million viewers.

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Gratuitous World Blog

    • College Football Players, Awaken…
      January 29, 2014

      [Former NCAA President Myles Brand:] They can’t be paid. [Q:] Why? [Brand:] Because they’re amateurs. [Q:] What makes them amateurs? [Brand:] Well, they can’t be paid. [Q:] Why not? [Brand:] Because they’re amateurs. [Q:] Who decided they are amateurs? [Brand:] We did. [Q:] Why? [Brand:] Because we don’t pay them. – Michael Rosenberg’s 2010 Sports Illustrated interview of former NCAA president Myles Brand Yesterday, quarterback Kain Colter led a group […]

    • GW: Favorite Albums Of 2013
      January 11, 2014

      On time as always! Happy New Year. 20.  Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires of the City:  Ok kids, we get it. Good work. 19.  Scott & Charlene’s Wedding – Any Port In A Storm 18.  Charlie Parr – Barnswallow 17. My Bloody Valentine – MBV:  Per usual, I can’t understand a fucking word, but still pretty […]

      January 7, 2014

      (originally posted 2/10/10) then again (7/9/10) now one more time before retirement. for love. UPDATE: So it’s as hot as fuck out east because, you know, it’s July. Anyway, I’m just checking in because although You Know and I Know daily mid-Atlantic microtrends in weather do not offer any proof or disproof with regard to […]