Archive for April, 2012

Paul Silas Shoves Tyrus Thomas, Punished By Having To Remain Bobcats’ Coach

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

common scene

Tyrus Thomas is the kind of player who gives the NBA a bad name.  Tyrus Thomas is the kind of athlete who can fool people into thinking he’s a professional.  Tyrus Thomas is the kind of guy (5 yr/ $40 million) who should wear a ski mask as part of his uniform.  Tyrus Thomas is Exhibit LXVII why Michael Jordan is one of the worst owners in sports. At some point, Tyrus Thomas will make every coach lose his shit.

According to Adrian Wojnarowski:

Silas, 68, had been incensed with Thomas chatting with some Boston Celtics players on the court, and lashed out at him in the losing locker room afterward. Eventually, Thomas snapped back at Silas, and the coach warned him to say no more or risk a suspension.

Once Thomas stood up, Silas pushed him toward his locker stall, sources said.

Bobcats general manager Rod Higgins met with Silas and Thomas, and both have been fined, a source said.

“There was an incident,” Higgins told Y! Sports. “We handled it internally and talked to both the player and the coach and moved on. End of story.”

Thomas played 20 minutes Monday night in a loss to the New Orleans Hornets, the Bobcats’ 17th straight.

I can’t imagine having to coach this team or Thomas.  Paul Silas does not deserve this sort of acid-reflux.  Hold out hope for that Anthony Davis ping pong ball.

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Draft Dodging “Tough Guy” Ted Nugent Has Small Penis

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Vote Romney!

Is there another explanation?  “Musician” Ted Nugent may have shit in his pants to avoid serving in Vietnam, but most of the time the shit spews from his song hole.  Speaking to the NRA – an assemblage of some of the most petulant, wannabee tough guys in the land, the alarmist jackass wrapped himself in Chinese-made American flags and continued his asinine rhetoric.

Said Nugent, “If you can’t galvanize and promote and recruit people to vote for Mitt Romney, we’re done. We’ll be a suburb of Indonesia next year,” Nugent said. “Our president, attorney general, vice president, Hillary Clinton–they’re criminals. They’re criminals. Who doesn’t know the crimes our government are committing?”

And (among other things)…

If Barack Obama becomes the president in November, again, I will be either be dead or in jail by this time next year,” Nugent added.

Whatever the hell this means, it’s totally cool because he didn’t suggest that multimillionaire, stay-at-home housekeeper/chef/chauffer-employer Ann Romney might not have the same concerns as most American mothers.

This continued Nugent’s long track-record of hyperbolic idiocy, which includes such hits as “I should fuck (or kill) Hillary + Obama with my gun,” and “If I wasn’t a chickenhawk, I would’ve killed everyone in Vietnam, including the Americans I don’t like.”

The Secret Service has decided to have a talk with Nugent – hopefully about his small dong insecurities. In response, Nugent threw out this gem:

First of all, I’m the master of metaphors,” explained the Motor City Shakespeare.  Then he ripped a power chord and howled:

you ran that night that you left me

you put me in my place

got you in a stranglehold now baby

then i crushed your face  

For freedom.

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Well-Organized Anarchist Bookfare Devolves Into Something About Starbucks

Posted by Matt on Monday, April 16th, 2012

Grounds Zero

It was a beautiful day for an NYC Anarchist Bookfare. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Someone pontificated on the encroaching evil of airbags.  It was a great day.  Then…all hell kind-of-didn’t break loose.

Customers at an East Village Starbucks escaped a shot of shattered glass in their lattes when the cafe windows withstood an anarchist onslaught.Patrons at Astor Place coffee shop dashed underneath tables as metal pipe-wielding protesters attempted to shatter its floor-to-ceiling Plexiglas windows during a Saturday night riot, police and workers said.Luckily, the unbreakable panes prevented injuries, one barista said.

Windows 1. Anarchists 0 (with an A inside the 0).
 
When these brave anti-establishmentarianians couldn’t use their weapons to defeat Starbucks’ windows, they turned their pipes to the NYPD - because it’s obviously the police’s fault that Starbucks’ has poor employee benefits and that consumption of Starbucks’ beverages infringes on a free person’s right to self-determine when to poo.
 
But two NYPD officers weren’t so fortunate. A sergeant was hit repeatedly in the head, body and hands with a metal pipe, a police source said, while a lieutenant also sustained injuries.The group carried on and marched against traffic into the streets near Washington Square Park after leaving the Fifth Annual New York City Anarchist Book Fair at Judson Church on Washington Square South, police said. They began chanting “F— the NYPD”, “All pigs must die,” and “Cops are murderers’, officials said.
 
Great messaging.  

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One Sentence Album Review Via Wine Descriptors – Lee Fields & The Expressions

Posted by Matt on Saturday, April 14th, 2012

Lee Fields & The Expressions – Faithful Man

This has a faint citrus nose, is a light-bodied, slightly acidic vintage with some berry notes and a nice finish.

 

Grade: B+

Listen to this while:  Someone gives you some space.

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Romney Campaign Making Heroic Stand On Behalf Of Black Lung

Posted by Matt on Friday, April 13th, 2012

Despite historically low tax rates, let’s be clear:  Barack Obama is taxing the shit out of you!  Or so some say

The Romney campaign has taken to claiming that the Obama administration raised taxes on “millions of Americans.” Post fact checker Glenn Kessler asked the Romney camp to justify the claim, and Romney advisers provided Kessler with a list of tax increases under Obama.

Most of them are in the Affordable Care Act, and haven’t been implemented yet. The main tax increase the Romney camp cited, which is in fact in effect right now, was this one:

The one, non-health-care-related, broad-based tax on Romney’s list is a 61-cent-per-pack increase in the federal excise tax on cigarettes. Obama signed this into law shortly after taking office in order to fund an expansion of the children’s health insurance program. About 45 million people in the United States smoke cigarettes, according to the Centers for Disease Control, and the percentage of smokers is higher among those living below the poverty level.

Assuming one smokes a pack a day, that would amount to $223 in increased cigarette taxes a year.

I’m a childless (sometimes) smoker, so you might expect me to send the President a bill for $223, return envelope included (no postage). But as a self-loather, I tend to favor the brat kids of America - even the creepy little guy across the street who stares at passing traffic.  Close your mouth, son! 

So would Mitt Romney repeal this tax + logically defund insurance for freeloading children?  After all, smokers gotta smoke. Or maybe it’s a savvy campaign move.  Kids can’t vote for anything but tv talent shows, and I’ve heard Romney “sing.” I don’t think that’s his endgame.  However, smokers just might get to the polls – as long as they can drive and the lines aren’t too long.  So maybe, just maybe, he’s trying to sweeten the pot for America’s second-most scorned demographic (right between child abusers & Skrillex fans). 

So we’re looking at you – joyless Parliament Light smoker. What are you so unhappy about, you slim biscuit?  Buck up! 

Guy who still collects Camel cash? it’s morning in America! 

Could mean a couple extra cartons for you, sloppy drunk Marlboro Lights user! Don’t forget to reapply that lipstick!

Take another long smoke, corduroy dude with the American Spirits. We understand how hard you’re trying! 

Stay kool, Newport customers!  No wait, you guys should probably quit.

And John Boehner wept. Yeah, but someone should really ask Mitt about that.

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April Fools! Dude Made Up Whole Iraq WMD Story.

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

Haha. No shit.

Rafid Ahmed Alwan al-Janabi, aka “Curveball“, an Iraqi defector who falsified testimony about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, confirms that he made the whole thing up in an interview airing this week on the BBC2 TV series, “Modern Spies.” The former chemical engineer’s “confidence trick” was used by the Bush administration to justify going to war with Iraq in 2003.

But Mr Janabi, speaking in a two-part series, Modern Spies, starting tomorrow on BBC2, says none of it was true. When it is put to him “we went to war in Iraq on a lie. And that lie was your lie”, he simply replies: “Yes.”

US officials “sexed up” Mr Janabi’s drawings of mobile biological weapons labs to make them more presentable, admits Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson, General Powell’s former chief of staff. “I brought the White House team in to do the graphics,” he says, adding how “intelligence was being worked to fit around the policy”.

For critics of the Iraq War, there were always 2 ways to look at the obvious fuck up: (a) the Administration was so inept + nervous about another historic attack that they overreacted to shady evidence, or (b) They used the worst modern attack on American soil to achieve a pre-ordained policy goal of regime change in Iraq.

As helplessly oblivious as Bush seemed at times, the cynics were always pretty confident (b) was the answer.  I remember seeing this asshole “Curveball” on 60 minutes and thinking, “if it wasn’t him, it would have been someone else.”  Maybe “Knuckleball,” or “Spitter” or “The Situation.”

So yeah, that ‘told ya so’ is almost worth the 6-figure death totals.

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Supreme Court Rules Government Can Touch Your Shame Places (Doesn’t Include Tyrannical Medical Care)

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

On Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that a strip search is appropriate for any arrest.  The 5-4 ruling (surprise!) stemmed from the following incident:

 The Supreme Court case arose from the arrest of Albert W. Florence in New Jersey in 2005. Mr. Florence was in the passenger seat of his BMW when a state trooper pulled his wife, April, over for speeding. A records search revealed an outstanding warrant based on an unpaid fine. (The information was wrong; the fine had been paid.)

Mr. Florence was held for a week in jails in two counties, and he was strip-searched twice. There is some dispute about the details but general agreement that he was made to stand naked in front of a guard who required him to move intimate parts of his body. The guards did not touch him.

“Turn around,” Mr. Florence, in an interview last year, recalled being told by jail officials. “Squat and cough. Spread your cheeks.”

“I consider myself a man’s man,” said Mr. Florence, a finance executive for a car dealership. “Six-three. Big guy. It was humiliating. It made me feel less than a man.”

leased with an option to tug

Jail isn’t supposed to be enjoyable, especially considering we fill them with every poor asshole suspected of a crime that’s not domestic violence.  But does the punishment fit the crime arrest?  Here’s conflicted Justice Kennedy on behalf of the majority, having a happy:

The question here is whether undoubted security imperatives involved in jail supervision override the assertion that some detainees must be exempt from the more invasive search procedures at issue absent reasonable suspicion of a concealed weapon or other contraband. The Court has held that deference must be given to the officials in charge of the jail unless there is “substantial evidence” demonstrating their response to the situation is exaggerated.

That’s true – never know when a motorist with a busted tail light is really just a Mexiranian terr’ist with a WMD strapped to his taint.  That’s the “reasonable” standard I’ve been taught.  Then again, I went to Catholic school. 

Justice Breyer’s dissent:

I doubt that we seriously disagree about the nature of the strip search or about the serious affront to human dignity and to individual privacy that it presents. The basic question before us is whether such a search is nonetheless justified when an individual arrested for a minor offense is involuntarily placed in the general jail or prison population….

I have found no convincing reason indicating that, in the absence of reasonable suspicion, involuntary strip searches of those arrested for minor offenses are necessary in order to further the penal interests mentioned. And there are strong reasons to believe they are not justified.

The enduring domestic legacy of 9/11 is the gradual evisceration of the 4th + 6th amendments. Hell, let’s throw in 5th, 7th + 8th as well:  just make sure no reasonable 2nd Amendment restrictions are passed - we don’t want the tyrannical government to prevent “totally normal” people from being able to stalk and kill unarmed teenagers walking in their neighborhoods.

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Gratuitous World Blog

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