Archive for September, 2012

One Sentence Album Review Via Wine Descriptors – Bob Dylan

Posted by Matt on Sunday, September 30th, 2012

  Bob Dylan – Tempest

The pleasure never ceases, dark berries and woodsmoke on the nose, remaining lush and broad on entry, then offering bitter cherry and cracked pepper flavors.

 Grade: A-

Listen to this while:  in a dive bar that still allows smoking.

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Paul Ryan So Over Explaining Policies And Shit

Posted by Matt on Sunday, September 30th, 2012

“amirite?”

Paul Ryan was on Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace.  He’s the serious candidate with the vision to transform our government for the 21st century, slice the debt and create millions of jobs without breaking a sweat.

WALLACE: So how much would it cost?

RYAN: It’s revenue neutral…

WALLACE: No no, I’m just talking about cuts. We’ll get to the deductions, but the cut in tax rates.

RYAN: The cut in tax rates is lowering all Americans’ tax rates by 20 percent.

WALLACE: Right, how much does that cost?

RYAN: It’s revenue neutral.
[...]
WALLACE: But I have to point out, you haven’t given me the math.

Ryan: No, but you…well, I don’t have the time. It would take me too long to go through all of the math. But let me say it this way: you can lower tax rates by 20 percent across the board by closing loopholes and still have preferences for the middle class. For things like charitable deductions, for home purchases, for health care. So what we’re saying is, people are going to get lower tax rates.

For the record, the Romney-Ryan campaign has yet to specify exactly what loopholes they would close, though one might wonder how eliminating the mortgage interest deduction would help the middle class.  Just trust them. 12 million new jobs!

Ryan exited, explaining he had a lot to do with the rest of his day:  run a 2-hour marathon, cook a gourmet 12-course meal, and politely resist the advances of Christina Hendricks.

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Democracy, Phew! Obama To Be Placed On Ballot In State Where He Has No Chance!

Posted by Matt on Saturday, September 15th, 2012

Kansas Yahoos are trying to keep President Obama off the ballot because he’s from Kenya, or maybe Hawaii – which is just as bad.

Three top Republican elected officials in Kansas, including “informal” Mitt Romney adviser Kris Kobach, the Kansas secretary of state, are considering challenging Obama’s eligibility to appear on Kansas ballots this fall based on concerns over his citizenship. Kobach would not directly say whether he believes Obama’s birth certificate is real in an email to TPM Thursday night.

Kobach isn’t sure Obama’s birth certificate is real, but he’s pretty sure about “creeping Sharia” and quite sure about hating Mexicans.  Anyway, these Birthers (slogan: Yes, We’re Still Fucking That Chicken America!) are clearly patriots, but one of their kin is going to stab them in the back and then withold their long-form death certificates.

“He’ll be on the ballot in Kansas,” Rep. Tim Huelskamp (R) told TPM in the halls of the Values Voter Summit in Washington.

Huelskamp, the flaming liberal who believes Obama is taking away your right to be religious, did not reference the ’85 Royals so I kind of lost interest in the story…I’m just going to go ahead and take Huelskamp at his word and be disappointed later.

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You Probably Want To Eat This Swedish Delicacy That Caused A Gas Leak Scare

Posted by Matt on Friday, September 14th, 2012

Get some!

Yum.

On Saturday, two fire trucks, two police cars and an emergency gas leak team all rushed towards the Stockholm neighbourhood Södermalm, having been alerted by concerned neighbours who smelled gas in the stairwell, but the unpleasant smell turned out to come from something less dangerous.

Sounds like a whodunnit.  Let me guess – Leif, in the garden unit, with the fermented herring?

surströmming — fermented (that is to say, rotted) herring. The dish is celebrated as a traditional autumn dish and has been described as smelling like vinegar tossed with rancid butter and rotten eggs…

Mmm. “surstromming” – it just rolls off your tongue like fermented herring. And vomit.

It’s how Viking coped with their self-loathing after all the raping and pillaging.  Autmumn was a somber, disgusting time.  Speaking of self-loathing and the pillaging of my colon, I would definitely try it. I’m a huge fan of pickled herring – it’s how my pale ass gets Vitamin D.  The more you know.

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Writer Feels Bad For Star Athlete With $260 Million Dollar Shoe Contract

Posted by Matt on Friday, September 14th, 2012

There’s a lot of heavy shit going on in the world. Me? I’m having a sad with DRose.

 

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Man Turns Self In. Detroit Police Have Other Shit To Deal With

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, September 5th, 2012

DPD: take a number

It’s not easy being a Detroit police officer.  They’re understaffed and underfunded. The city is still *cough* struggling.  On top of that, their pay and pensions are getting scalped.

Did I mention they’re understaffed?

However, this defies excuse-making (or explanation).  From detroitnews.com:

Detroit — A 36-year-old man, who allegedly turned himself in twice  before Detroit police arrested him, was to be arraigned Tuesday in connection  with the fatal shooting of two men.

Prosecutors say the shooting occurred around 1:40 a.m. on the 16200 block of Inverness and stemmed from an altercation on the street between the victims and McCullough, who then went into his home and fired a rifle multiple times.

According to police, McCullough allegedly went to a local Detroit fire  station at about 3:20 a.m. Saturday to tell authorities that he’d been involved  in the shooting hours earlier.

Fire officials called police, but all patrol units were busy on other  calls. That prompted McCullough to leave the fire station for the 10th Precinct to  turn himself in.

“Red to black by way of green.”  Unless you’re dealing with forthright double-murderers like Mr. McCullough.

At least they were able to wrangle Biden’s Secret Service U-Haul.

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Obama’s Biggest Failure

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, September 4th, 2012

When it comes to the election, much of the focus has been on the economy, an area where I don’t believe Obama really erred to the extent portrayed by his critics. The American economy was on fire in 2008 and the global economy is still in rough shape.  In light of a historically obstructionist opposition, while the Wall Street Reform was paper-thin and the stimulus likely too small, he can point to the ACA, auto industry, and fairly steady job creation.  The debt has ballooned, but GOP efforts to pin that on the President are totally disingenuous.  Essentially, Obama can be given credit for avoiding a 2nd Great Depression.

Mother Jones took a look at the 2012 DNC platform.  While much lip service was paid to reaffirming civil liberties after the previous administration so blatantly disregarded our democratic principles, 4 years have passed and limited progress has been made.

Below is the real + legitimate failure of the Obama Administration.

And there’s a simple reason.  People don’t care.  Bin Laden might be dead, but in this respect, he certainly won.

Indefinite Detention2008: “To build a freer and safer world, we will lead in ways that reflect the decency and aspirations of the American people. We will not ship away prisoners in the dead of night to be tortured in far-off countries, or detain without trial or charge prisoners who can and should be brought to justice for their crimes, or maintain a network of secret prisons to jail people beyond the reach of the law. We will respect the time-honored principle of habeas corpus, the seven century-old right of individuals to challenge the terms of their own detention that was recently reaffirmed by our Supreme Court.”

2012: Nothing. The Obama administration has maintained the practice of indefinitely detaining certain suspected terrorists. It has also made use of “proxy detention,” by which foreign countries detain US citizens under questionable conditions, although the administration did do away with the Bush-era “black sites.”

Genie

Warrantless Surveillance/PATRIOT Act2008: “We support constitutional protections and judicial oversight on any surveillance program involving Americans. We will review the current Administration’s warrantless wiretapping program. We reject illegal wiretapping of American citizens, wherever they live. We reject the use of national security letters to spy on citizens who are not suspected of a crime. We reject the tracking of citizens who do nothing more than protest a misguided war…We will revisit the Patriot Act and overturn unconstitutional executive decisions issued during the past eight years.”

2012: The platform is silent on this issue. This isn’t surprising since, at the urging of the Obama administration, congressional Democrats passed up the opportunity to reform the PATRIOT Act when they had a majority in both houses of Congress.

Out

Gitmo 2008: “We will close the detention camp in Guantanamo Bay, the location of so many of the worst constitutional abuses in recent years. With these necessary changes, the attention of the world will be directed where it belongs: on what terrorists have done to us, not on how we treat suspects.”

2012:  “[W]e are substantially reducing the population at Guantánamo Bay without adding to it. And we remain committed to working with all branches of government to close the prison altogether because it is inconsistent with our national security interests and our values.” In 2009, most Democrats voted against funding to close Gitmo, and there were substantial internal battles within the administration over doing so.

Of

Racial Profiling in Fighting Terrorism 2008: “[W]e will ensure that law-abiding Americans of any origin, including Arab-Americans and Muslim-Americans, do not become the scapegoats of national security fears.”

2012: Nothing. The Obama administration has in fact retained the FBI’s Bush-era guidelines allowing race or religion to play some role in investigations.

Bottle.

Torture 2008: “We reject torture.”

2012: “Advancing our interests may involve new actions and policies to confront threats like terrorism, but the President and the Democratic Party believe these practices must always be in line with our Constitution, preserve our people’s privacy and civil liberties, and withstand the checks and balances that have served us so well. That is why the President banned torture without exception in his first week in office.” Despite Obama’s executive order banning torture, Americans who allege they have been detained abroad by foreign governments at the US’ request say they have been abused while in custody. It does not appear as though anyone will face charges over the Bush administration’s torture program, including those who went beyond its legal guidelines.

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Haley Barbour – This Week In Hilarious Southern Stereotypes Acting Hilarious

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, September 4th, 2012

 

ahahaha

Slovenly Lobbyist Good ‘Ol Boy and Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour took some time from pretending to care about hurricane damage to comment on fellow competitive eater governor Chris Christie’s RNC speech.

Barbour spoke at a fundraiser and briefing in Tampa last Thursday put on by Karl Rove, who co-founded the American Crossroads super PAC and its sister non-profit.  Barbour is a former adviser to the groups.

While I would love for [Chris] Christie to put a hot poker to Obama’s butt,” Haley said of his reaction to Christie’s address. “I thought he did what he was supposed to do.”

Chris Christie should mark Obama – just like he brands his nightly pork shoulder.  While Rush Limbaugh has long-held the GOP’s title for butt-obsession, Barbour invokes a different kind of code in alluding to the President’s ass.

From Frederick Douglas:

The process of branding was this—A person was tied to a post, and his back, or such other part as was to be branded, laid bare; the iron was then delivered red hot (sensation), and applied to the quivering flesh, imprinting upon it the name of the monster who claimed the slave. It was also a common practice to draw the teeth of slaves, although sound, in order to be able the better to identify them, should they run away.

 

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Gratuitous World Blog

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