Archive for October, 2012

Watch Humans Save Baby Elephant From Well And Try Not To Feel Something You Jaded Psychopaths

Posted by Matt on Sunday, October 21st, 2012

Good Morning! Please watch this. Great in full, but 4:00 is when…

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College Football Gameday – Al Capone Edition

Posted by Matt on Saturday, October 20th, 2012

Nebraska comes to Evanston for the first time in 81 years.

 

I believe Beano Cook (RIP) hosted Gameday that afternoon.  Kudos to the clever Wildcat fan with the “Even Syphallitics Punk Nebraska” sign.

Hopefully this event will be detailed on Season 9 of Boardwalk Empire when I finally figure out what the hell the show’s supposed to be about other than looking cool and being all gangster.

go football.

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Stop The Voting! Joe Walsh Has Clinched Nobel Prize For Medicine!

Posted by Matt on Friday, October 19th, 2012

Right this way, ma’am. Congressman Walsh will see you now.

Deadbeat Dad + Tea Party Favorite Joe Walsh is quite possibly the worst person in American government. Think about that.

Or at least he was until yesterday.

In his race against Tammy Duckworth, Walsh trashed her military service, called her out for buying an article of clothing, race-baited, threw constant temper tantrums and relentlessly maintained his reputation as an all-around dick.

But all of that is now meaningless.

One would think the worst politician in the country could no longer delve into his bag of terrible and come up with anything surprising.  That was before Walsh came down with Akin-fever.

At a televised debate with opponent Tammy Duckworth, Republican Walsh declared that abortion should be outlawed in all circumstances, including to save the life of the mother.
But it was his comments to reporters after the event at WTTW Channel 11 that sparked the most attention. Walsh said that medical advances had rendered it unnecessary to ever perform an abortion to save a mother’s life.
“With modern technology and science, you can’t find one instance,” Walsh declared.
Asked then if he was saying it was never medically necessary to perform an abortion to save the life of a mother, Walsh responded: “Absolutely, yes.”

This is a great day in medical  history!  The dangers of pregnancy have been thwarted by a man with no medical background who won’t even cough up a dime for his kids’ school supplies.  This is the Miracle On Vice!  The Odorous for the Uterus!  Our ancestors who settled the Great Plains, whose matriarchs died during their 9th pregnancy trying to produce their 3rd adult child, have not passed in vain.  There will never be complications with Joe Walsh’s Magic Pregnancy Machine 3000 (TM).

Who will get to see this marvel of modern medicine?  No one yet.  HOWEVER, Joe has placed 5 golden tickets in different Christian pregnancy books across the country.  If you’re lucky enough to pick one up, you’ll get to attend the secret compound in IL-8 (not Fermi) and gasp in awe as Walsh gives you a charming tour of his Whimsical Land Of Uncomplicated Birthing.

Two more Years! N0 more Exceptions!

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Picture Of The Week

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, October 3rd, 2012

Republican nominee Mitt Romney trying to get that helpful Latino moxie.

- “Young man, what are those shiny metal discs that just fell out of your computer??”

- Those are called ‘coins’ sir.

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This Week In Brandon Meriweather Hurting You Without Trying

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

The Redskins’ Talented Personal-Foul and Blown Coverage machine Brandon Meriweather is once again creating havoc. This time it’s in pre-game warm-ups and the victim is teammate Aldrick Robinson.  Robinson was knocked out with a concussion and laid motionless for a while. Both players missed the game.

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Helpful Bill That Used To Have Bi-Partisan Support Probably Never Going To Pass Because Of Politics

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

The Enemy Within

Back in 2001, Dick Durbin (D-IL) + Orin Hatch (R-UT) did something that wasn’t too uncommon at the time. No, not avant-garde spoken word performances of Creed lyrics.  They spearheaded bipartisan legislation aimed at addressing a pressing issue.  It was called the DREAM Act.  Then politics, 9/11 and more xenophobia happened.

The DREAM Act is still around. Democrats routinely trot it out.  When that happens, the formerly bi-curious Republicans shoot it down after years of anti-hispanic reorientation.

(Left-leaning!) CFAP + some weird organization funded by the unholy but platonic man-on-man marriage of Stonecutters Bloomberg and Murdoch broke it down:

If illegal immigrants brought to the U.S. as children were given legal status, their improved access to college and better jobs would add $329 billion and 1.4 million jobs to the nation’s economy over two decades, according to a report set for release today.

The report found that up to 223,000 of the 2.1 million young illegal immigrants eligible for the DREAM Act would have an easier time enrolling, paying for and finishing college, which would lead to the increased economic gains.

The study was released by the Center for American Progress, a Washington-based, left-leaning think tank that supports the DREAM Act, and the Partnership for a New American Economy, which was created by independent New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch. The center has pushed Congress to pass the DREAM Act and other bills that would grant more visas to foreign students that specialize in science, technology, engineering and mathematics.

At its core, the DREAM Act would grant residency to illegal immigrants brought to the country as children who have completed college or served in the U.S. military.  Beyond the moral dilemma of what to do with non-citizens brought here as children through no fault of their own, an economic argument is firmly established.

The argument against the DREAM Act (other than the nativist anti-brown sentiment) relies on the scarcity of jobs, reflected in the unemployment figures following the 2008 crash.  However, while job creation numbers have been mediocre, the truth is that the American economy is lacking skilled and educated workers.  The DREAM Act + associated bills granting more student visas would foster upward mobility and allow for the country to retain the talented foreigners who benefit from American higher education.

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Obama In Trouble With Early 2000s Pop Star Demographic

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, October 2nd, 2012

What Stimulus?

Looks like Scott Stapp’s arms are no longer wide open for President Obama:

Creed frontman Scott Stapp stopped by “Fox & Friends” to make a big announcement: He will not be voting for Obama.

Stapp made his remarks Tuesday morning, noting that the recession (which he calls “the great correction”) was indicative of a failed Barack Obama presidency. The singer voted for Obama in 2008, but says he is just too disappointed to support the president’s bid for a second term.

“I’m just disappointed. I had very high hopes and expectations and was really inspired by President Obama,” Stapp said. “And I still am, he’s an amazing speaker. But in my opinion, his administration [made] a lot of promises, but no real delivery.”

After losing fellow Rock N’ Roll Great(TM) Kid Rock to the Romney campaign, there’s no telling when the hemorrhaging might stop.  Luckily for the Obama campaign, Nickleback members are Canadian + are not, I repeat, are not eligible to vote in the upcoming election.

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Uruguay – Pope Is Going To Be Upset With You

Posted by Matt on Monday, October 1st, 2012

pro-choice / anti-pants

Much of Latin America exists on a common plane:  currently growing economically while retaining large gaps in income equality and a wide-ranging Vatican influence.  Also, violence. And maize.

Uruguay, one of South America’s less homogenous (and more secular) nations is about to step out.

The lower house of Uruguay’s Congress has voted to legalise abortion in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.

The bill was approved by 50 votes to 49 after 14 hours of debate.  The law must now be approved by the Senate, which voted for a previous version of the text last December. President Jose Mujica has said he will approve the law if passed by Congress.

Cuba and Mexico City are the only other parts of Latin America with comparably liberal abortion laws.

Under Uruguay’s current legislation, women who have an abortion and the people who assist them face prison.

Uruguay may be a progressive outlier, or a sign of things to come as women gain ground on a political + economic basis.  I’ve never been there. How the hell would I know? One step at a time, I guess.

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Gratuitous World Blog

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