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Oklahoma Biology Students – You’re Getting An “A” – Trust Me

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, February 26th, 2013

A week ago, this House bill passed the Oklahoma Education Committee:

[HB 1674] would forbid teachers from penalizing students who turn in papers attempting to debunk almost universally accepted scientific theories such as biological evolution and anthropogenic (human-driven) climate change.

Gus Blackwell, the Republican state representative who introduced the bill, insists that his legislation has nothing to do with religion; it simply encourages scientific exploration. “I proposed this bill because there are teachers and students who may be afraid of going against what they see in their textbooks,” says Blackwell, who previously spent 20 yearsworking for the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma“A student has the freedom to write a paper that points out that highly complex life may not be explained by chance mutations.”

Blackwell, a Baptist minister well-renowned for the depth of scientific expertise he developed during his time in the childcare business, is on the right track. We shouldn’t just encourage kids to seek knowledge in addition to their school-issued text books.  Forget about the textbooks altogether!

Studying is done kids. Go play with toys or start a painkiller habit.

Q: Explain Deforestation and Ocean Temperatures as they relate to the Carbon Cycle.

Deforestation is the natural process of turning trees into crosses.  These are crosses like the one at church. and also Aunt Rita’s house.  Our current deforestation is dangerously low because the dinosaurs died. The apostles used to place yokes on tricerotops and efficiently provide crosses for all in the land.  Not Judas though – LOL! One day Tim Tebow will use his Gay Dutchmen Femur axe to triumphantly take down all the trees and provide crosses for everyone – even Cubans.

Ocean temperature has increased because more abortionists are in hell.  Thus, the hellfire is hotter and rises higher under the earth.  Also, I touch myself at night, which only strengthens the will and broilers of Satan.  I accidentally read something about CO2 in the atmosphere, which God has dominion over, so we shouldn’t be worried about it.  The more CO2 in the air, the better it is for the sea creatures like dolphins and mermen.  Because that means it’s not in the water for dolphins and mermen who will choke on it because God’s will.  The End.

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Posted by Matt on Friday, August 31st, 2012

Let the healing begin!!!

As a whole, the Penn State community has displayed ZERO contrition in the aftermath of damning findings included in their internal investigation (Freeh Report), as well as in response to the NCAA Sanctions.  Yes, they all hate Jerry Sandusky.  But more and more it seems like they really only hate him because he got caught raping boys, thus resulting in sanctions to the precious football program.

There are some saddened, embarrassed and apologetic Penn Staters.  Occasionally a member of the administration candidly admits shame and wrongdoing surrounding the 13 year (at least) cover up of a child rapist. Then the rest of the mouth-breathers demand he/she apologize. Any reasonable voices are being drowned out by the bitterly angry alumni, students, townies and former players.

The poor poor Paterno Family can’t keep from yapping, reminding everyone who the real victim is:

“Tearing down the statue of Joe Paterno does not serve the victims of Jerry Sandusky’s horrible crimes or help heal the Penn State Community. We believe the only way to help the victims is to uncover the full truth. The Freeh report, though it has been accepted by the media as the definitive conclusion on the Sandusky scandal, is the equivalent of an indictment — a charging document written by a prosecutor — and an incomplete and unofficial one at that.”

And then in response to the NCAA sanctions…

“Sexual abuse is reprehensible, especially when it involves children, and no one starting with Joe Paterno condones or minimizes it. The horrific acts committed by Jerry Sandusky shock the conscience of every decent human being. How Sandusky was able to get away with his crimes for so long has yet to be fully understood, despite the claims and assertions of the Freeh report.

“The release of the Freeh report has triggered an avalanche of vitriol, condemnation and posthumous punishment on Joe Paterno. The NCAA has now become the latest party to accept the report as the final word on the Sandusky scandal. The sanctions announced by the NCAA today defame the legacy and contributions of a great coach and educator without any input from our family or those who knew him best.

Ok, we can stop it right there.  It goes on, but blahblahblah shameless whatnot, whitewash, etc…

Vocal PSU members can’t seem to trivialize the heinous crimes enough.  It’s all about football + their exalted leader.  The curtain has been pulled and the culture does not allow the community to believe its eyes.

It’s the “culture” that is obviously central to the problem.  It’s why they should have been given the Death Penalty.  It’s why the following garbage gets written…

Today, Penn State grad Eileen Morgan took a full-page ad out in the Central Daily Times to write this childish defense of Joe Paterno (and bitter craziness).

Dear Penn State Board of Trustees,
It is apparent you want us, the alumni, to move on. You implore us to move on. Here is a simple fact. We can and will move on, and will join you on a united front, if one of two things occurs. We will move on if 1) Indisputable evidence surfaces that clearly shows Joe Paterno knew that Jerry Sandusky was molesting boys since 1998/2001 and did nothing to stop him, (we already know that the findings of your $6.5 million Freeh report are fiction: ( or 2) You admit your hasty decisions starting back in Nov. 2011, (including firing Joe Paterno, accepting the Freeh Report, and agreeing to the NCAA sanctions) were a mistake, made under pressure and not based on truth, and that you did not act in the best interest of Penn State University.
One day you will have to look in the mirror and admit that you allowed this debacle to get out of control. Back in November, Penn State had no PR, so the media naturally turned to Joe, the face of Penn State, but he was allowed to say very little. The media applied some pressure and once you, the Board, fired Joe, that was all the world needed to conclude: He must have been guilty. You, BoT, were trying to distance yourselves from anyone who looked guilty so you could come out smelling like roses. Then you hired Freeh to validate your firing of Joe and again to make yourselves look like the good guys. Did it not once occur to you that, by making the icon of your own university take the fall, with no basis of wrongdoing, you were actually destroying the university? (NCAA sanctions, economic suicide, $$ lawsuits, accreditation fallout) You were anxious for so long to get rid of Joe that you couldn’t wait to throw the last jab. And here you are reaping what you sowed.

There will never be unity between the alumni and the Board until you start admitting your mistakes or until all of you who were active in Nov. ’11 vacate your positions, which could be years from now. You want to move on because it is too painful for you to live in this mess you made. I’m sure it is hard for some of you to look in the mirror or even get out of bed in the morning. We all know when we offend or do wrong to another, there are two choices, (wo)man up and admit it and make amends, and then MOVE ON, or sweep it under the rug and never move on. The one who was wronged can never move on until the offense is reconciled. This is why we, the alumni, cannot and will not move on. [GW note - !!!!!]

And now you find yourselves desperate to repair and rebuild the image of Penn State, an image which you single- handedly allowed to be torn apart. Maybe you should first repair and rebuild the trust within our family, and then together, we can restore our great university. It is time to fight for what is right. Please remember this, ‘a house divided against itself cannot stand.’

Sincerely, Eileen Morgan, Concerned Alumni, & Friends of PSU

Ok, Eileen.  We get it.  You’re the victim. You + Joe Pa and all the other navy & white-clad losers who just want to tailgate and watch some FOOTBALL (ARGH!!!) while the child raping is kept to the quiet rooms.

In true ESPN style, they will be broadcasting tonight’s PSU pep rally. Let the Healing Narratives begin. There must not be a Jets’ practice they can cover.  ESPN – You’re also the worst.

Listen idiots. A bunch of kids were raped and had their lives ruined because of your chosen leadership.  It’s on the record. It’s in the evidence.  It’s in Joe Pa’s own sworn testimony!  It’s time for the mouth-breathing shitheels to grow up.  Admit it. Show some class and contrition.  Focus on the victims.  With the kids in your heart, clean house and try to move on.  And don’t forget it’s just a fucking football game.

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REPOST!!! I Might Look Like A Robert Ford, But I Feel Just Like A Jesse James

Posted by Matt on Saturday, August 4th, 2012


Anyone remember Kevin Hassert?  Mitt Romney does.  Romney has tabbed the “economist” as front man to support the campaign’s forecast of a magical ‘Romney Economic Boom’ that’s going to be lowered on us upon Mitt’s election.

The discussion shook out something like this:

Mitt:  ”So our current proposals are going to raise taxes on 95% of Americans. How are we going to sell this and keep the huge tax cuts for our friends?”

Hassert:  ”If we keep it vague, I think we can assure huge job increases that will offset the huge losses in revenue.”

Mitt: “No problem there.”

Hassert:  ”I’m thinking we can project the addition of 6 million jobs as a result of some sort of ‘Boom.’”

Mitt: “Gee-Willikers…we can do that?”

Kassert:  ”That’s the great thing. We don’t need anything to back it up.  We just say a number, something something Reagan, and we’re good. Heck Mitt, why not 12 millions? yes. Let’s guarantee 12 million jobs.”

Mitt: “Fantastic. How ’bout a glass of milk?”

(Originally posted 9/9/10)

Kevin Hassett is best known for his spectacular failure as co-author of Dow 36,000: The New Strategy for Profiting from the Coming Rise in the Stock Market. Evidently, that’s enough to be considered an economics’ expert at the American Enterprise Institute.

Back when the AEI was cheering on the Bush Admin as they made up their nuclear-unicorns-of-mass-destruction evidence for invading Iraq, they had no problem sacrificing the children of the lower and middle-class in the fight for their right to think tank. Some things never change.

Now Kevin Hassert is back with some economics lessons in an article entitled “Your Fat Paycheck Keeps Your Neighbor Unemployed.” And listen up because he’s got some news for you selfish bastards. I’m talking to you – family of four with a $50,000 household income.

So here comes the leap into ice-cold water: The biggest problem with the labor market right now is that wages are too high. As Washington again turns to government spending as a cure for unemployment, some against-the-grain thinking is in order.

Economics teaches that full employment would be reached if wages adjust downward, to a level that better reflects current circumstances. At lower wages, employers would desire more workers. Labor markets generate persistent unemployment only if wages are sticky, failing to fall as demand declines.

Of course. It’s not like wages haven’t already been slashed, pensions renegotiated and  early retirements forced. Hassert then goes on to blame the rise in minimum wage and all those greedy siphons pulling in $7.25 an hour before unloading this little gem:

Third, the natural reluctance of workers to accept lower pay is amplified by how their wage helps define their identity. A $60,000-a-year office worker might have an extra-hard time coming to terms with becoming a $40,000-a-year worker.

See? It’s a status thing! You office workers are just imbued with too much pride. It’s not about the actual money. Or the actual bills. Or the actual education of your actual children. It’s about coming to terms with your new class in America’s 21st Century caste system.

While I certainly don’t want Hassert to take a pay cut so that  the AEI dunces start multiplying, someone may be missing something

[T]he top executives of the 50 firms with the most layoffs since the economic crisis started have taken home almost half again as much as the typical S&P 500 chieftain. The layoff crowd took home $12 million on average last year, the IPS said, compared with $8.4 million for the typical blue-chip company.“CEOs are clearly not hurting,” IPS researchers led by Sarah Anderson write in the institute’s 17th annual executive pay survey. “But they are, as we detail in these pages, causing others to needlessly hurt — by cutting jobs to feather their own already comfortable executive nests.”

The damage done by these champions of the cutback is enormous, the institute contends.  The companies in the top 50 layoff crowd cut 531,000 jobs between November 2008 and April 2010, accounting for three-quarters of layoffs at the biggest 500 U.S. companies.

IPS takes issue with headlines that hold CEOs have taken a paycut in recent years. It says the bigger problem by far is that while the average worker’s real wages — that is, adjusted for inflation — have been stagnant since the 1970s, executive pay has continued to rise at a rapid clip.

“After adjusting for inflation, CEO pay in 2009 more than doubled the CEO pay average for the decade of the 1990s, more than quadrupled the CEO pay average for the 1980s, and ran approximately eight times the CEO average for all the decades of the mid-20th century,” IPS writes.

The IPS study also names the 10 most heartless CEOs – those receiving the biggest 2009 paychecks while announcing the biggest layoffs over the crisis period.

Topping the list is former Schering-Plough chief Fred Hassan, who took home $49.7 million after selling the drugmaker to Merck (MRK) in a deal that led to 16,000 job cuts.


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Reactions To Chik-Fil-A Bigotry Are Totally Reasonable. Did I Say ‘Reasonable?’ I Meant ‘Totally Unhinged.’

Posted by Matt on Thursday, August 2nd, 2012


Last week, the esteemed President of Chik-Fil-A officially came out as a bigot.  While they had a long history of sponsoring anti-gay causes, this was a surprise to many and an apoplectic rain of hellfire for certain people. [President] Dan Cathy’s announcement instigated immediate boycotts by some and classic authoritarian overreach by a few public officials attempting to be the most indignant.


Chicago alderman Joe Moreno picked up the torch for the Chik-Fil-hAters.  He wants to block the city’s 2nd Chik-fil-A scheduled to be hatched in his ward.  He was soon followed by Chicago Mayor Emanuel, as well as Boston Mayor Thomas Menino.

Chicago’s mayor, Rahm Emanuel, [issued] his own statement: “Chick-fil-A values are not Chicago values. They disrespect our fellow neighbors and residents. This would be a bad investment, since it would be empty.”

Seriously? I would never designate Emanuel as a liberal or progressive, but this is clearly an antiprogresive stance that is far from First Amendment friendly.  Are you really going to prevent entry into the market for every business that doesn’t align with your “values?”  How many Wal-Marts does the city have now?  (haha, just kidding – Rahm hates Labor and the ridiculous $10.50/hr they ask for.)

In general, I’m all for the “boycott.”  If Chicagoans don’t jive with Chik-Fil-A’s bigotry, or merely recognize Harold’s, Popeye’s, Crisp, etc…all provide much better products, soon the business will tuck its feathers between its legs and go back to whatever exurban shithole, cultural abyss it came from.  Emanuel’s overreach is unnecessary and undemocratic.

In the New Gilded Age, it’s really hard(for me) to avoid or boycott all products or businesses that don’t represent my “values.”

Get Some!

I used to try to boycott certain gas stations when I believed they were bad corporate citizens.  Eventually I ended up getting around via rickshaw because, wouldn’t-ya-know, they’re all self-serving, corrupt and exploitative.  Unfortunately, my rickshaw driver’s wife died choking on an undercooked potato, so he was vehemently anti-Irish.  I was soon back to square one.  Then I learned that the signs on the stations are fairly meaningless and sometimes you just need to stop at the Citgo.


This story wouldn’t be complete without reaction from our Conservative Protectors.  Huckabee, Santorum, Palin, etc., climbed all over each other to blast the boycotters and make sure everyone knew how they would swim JetSki the Potomac to get their hands on a processed partial-chicken nugget.

Yesterday, Mike Huckabee organized Chik-Fil-A Appreciation Day.  He encouraged all his minions to ”Stand Up for Chik-Fil-A (but not too quickly or they might get light-headed).” This was a genius move by Huckabee. Nothing motivates “Real Americans” like hatred and fried food from chain restaraunts.  Cars stretched around the block – because they sure-as-shit weren’t walking. Communities celebrated. The Insulin flowed like water. Kindred spirits copulated in the bathrooms (Mile Wide Club). In the end, Chik-fil-A had its biggest single day of sales in company history.

Why were they doing this?  Because of their strict adherence to the Bible and some words scribbled on a scroll thousands of years ago.

Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind, it is abomination. Defile not ye yourselves in any of these things  Leviticus 18:22, 24

See that, NOH8?! We are ordered not to defile ourselves with gayness.  We are not bigots. We just blindly adhere to every word in the Good Book.


Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Well, just ignore this + eat up, fatties.  To profess your Tribal bigotry, you can hide behind your faith but probably not that load-bearing pole.  For y’all, it’s much easier to hate a group of people than treat your body like a temple.

I can’t wait for the next chapter.

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Well-Organized Anarchist Bookfare Devolves Into Something About Starbucks

Posted by Matt on Monday, April 16th, 2012

Grounds Zero

It was a beautiful day for an NYC Anarchist Bookfare. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Someone pontificated on the encroaching evil of airbags.  It was a great day.  Then…all hell kind-of-didn’t break loose.

Customers at an East Village Starbucks escaped a shot of shattered glass in their lattes when the cafe windows withstood an anarchist onslaught.Patrons at Astor Place coffee shop dashed underneath tables as metal pipe-wielding protesters attempted to shatter its floor-to-ceiling Plexiglas windows during a Saturday night riot, police and workers said.Luckily, the unbreakable panes prevented injuries, one barista said.

Windows 1. Anarchists 0 (with an A inside the 0).
When these brave anti-establishmentarianians couldn’t use their weapons to defeat Starbucks’ windows, they turned their pipes to the NYPD - because it’s obviously the police’s fault that Starbucks’ has poor employee benefits and that consumption of Starbucks’ beverages infringes on a free person’s right to self-determine when to poo.
But two NYPD officers weren’t so fortunate. A sergeant was hit repeatedly in the head, body and hands with a metal pipe, a police source said, while a lieutenant also sustained injuries.The group carried on and marched against traffic into the streets near Washington Square Park after leaving the Fifth Annual New York City Anarchist Book Fair at Judson Church on Washington Square South, police said. They began chanting “F— the NYPD”, “All pigs must die,” and “Cops are murderers’, officials said.
Great messaging.  

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In Portland, Even The BDSM Crowd Rolls In Subarus

Posted by Matt on Thursday, February 16th, 2012

the players.

[Via Gawker]

PORTLAND, Ore. – Some Valentine’s Day “role-playing” landed a couple in jail on Tuesday after the boyfriend and girlfriend were arrested and accused of disorderly conduct.

A Portland Police spokesman said around 12:35 p.m. officers got reports that a naked woman had been tied up in a car with duct tape over her mouth.

There are ‘nooners,’ and there are ‘NOONERS.’

Sgt. Pete Simpson said officers raced to the area to look for the Subaru Legacy. Officers in Washington were also alerted in case the car was spotted driving on I-5.

A witness told police that the man driving the car “seemed hazy” and stated he and the woman were “just having some fun.”

Officers didn’t find the owner right away, but continued to patrol the area looking for the car. Around 1 p.m., an officer in the area spotted the car and stopped a man seen walking away, Simpson said. The officer also noticed the naked woman bound in the back of the car.

The man, who police said is 31-year-old Nikolas Alexander Harbar, told police that he and his girlfriend were doing some Valentine’s Day role-playing. Officers said his girlfriend, 26-year-old Stephanie Morgan Pelzner, confirmed that story.

Officers arrested the couple on charges of disorderly conduct in the second degree. They were both taken to the Multnomah County Jail.

“You can’t do things that are going to create a public alarm,” Simpson said. “When it starts to affect other people and the public, something like this is not okay.”

Simpson said nine Portland Police cars were tied up for approximately 20 minutes searching for the couple.

“Role-play all you want,” he said. “But when you do something that is going to generate a 911 call you should probably do it at home.”

The Lesson is that when hashing out your safewords over your favorite microbrew, don’t land on ”Call 9-1-1.”  In city limits, I believe municipal code requires a more socially responsible safe word like, “compost,” or “Malkmus.”

godspeed, freaks.

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Catholic Church Not Cool With Employees Receiving Option of Sex-Related Prescription Coverage (Unless They’re Guys)

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

parents: tattoo this picture on the inside of your tween's eyelids

The Catholic Church, moral paragon of all recent millenia, is leading the charge against the Obama Administration’s decision requiring health insurance companies to offer the option of prescription birth control coverage to women.

According to bloviating bishops + many republicans, this option infringes on an insurance company’s 1st Amendment religious right to deny medication…or something.

(Imagine if the Church had confronted its rampant pedophilia problem with such zeal.)

Rick Santorum is taking time away from bemoaning the horror of granting property + visitation rights to two dudes who love eachother in order to consolidate the haters behind this issue.  Mitt Romney is losing ground because conservatives don’t believe he’s really into controlling the reproductive health of women and shrinking government down to the size where he can save it from your vagina. (That’s -1, Mittens.)

Politically, this issue may fire up the GOP “base,” but for most Americans, the antiquated war on women’s health is probably getting old.  The fact that birth control is beneficial to women’s health by allowing them to regulate periods, space out pregnancies, etc. is just too much to handle, and certainly infringes on conservatives and the Church’s rights to regulate American uteruses (uteri?).

Furthermore, the fact that women have sex for pleasure (or because they’re bored, it’s Wednesday, etc) is enough to make some heads explode.  However, that’s not true for the majority of Americans – Catholics included.

Public Religion Research Institute, asked if all employers should be required to offer healthcare plans that cover contraception:

  • All Americans: broad agreement, 55%-40%
  • Catholics: broad agreement, 58%-37%

the second survey asked the general question first (getting similar results to the PRRI survey) and then asked specifically if Catholic hospitals and universities should be included:

  • All Americans: broad agreement, 57%-39%
  • Catholics: broad agreement, 53%-45%

Don’t worry, Bishops. There will probably be a bigger religious exemption so you can still provide your white-haired minions with a 4-hour Boner Pill to produce genetically messed up sperm, while denying approved and prescribed drugs for female employees.  At least your generation-to-generation consistency is admirable.

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Arizona Law Against Comprehensive Education (& The “Ethnics”) Allowed To Go Forward

Posted by Matt on Friday, January 13th, 2012

Arizona: Where brown people will soon be required to dry hump cacti for the amusement of Minutemen.

A federal judge in Arizona on Tuesday refused to halt a state law that essentially bans a Tucson Mexican American studies program, but ruled that a lawsuit challenging the measure could proceed.

Eleven Tucson Unified School District teachers and two students had sued in federal court, requesting an injunction to keep the law from taking effect while their lawsuit continued. Among other things, the measure bans classes primarily designed for a particular ethnic group or promoting “resentment toward a race or class of people.”

So I’m guessing the study of World War II will now be banned.  We don’t want anyone to resent the 1939-1945 Germans. 

[Law's sponsor] Tom Horne’s primary target: the Tucson Unified School District, which offers classes in African-American, Mexican-American and Native-American studies. Insisting that the Mexican-American program taught Latino students “that they are oppressed by white people,” Horne equated the program to the Jim Crow era. “It’s just like the old South, and it’s long past time that we prohibited it,” he said

Of course, the students will have no idea what “Jim Crow” means, since it relates to possible oppressive behavior by one or more white men.

Come to think of, all American history from 1492-on should be off-limits with the exception of George Washington, the Moon Landing , and a picture of Joe DiMaggio having sex with Marilyn Monroe.

U.S. Circuit Court Judge A. Wallace Tashima in Tucson refused to grant the injunction but ruled that the students could challenge the law on 1st Amendment grounds. The teachers do not have standing, he ruled.

Arizona’s state superintendent of public instruction, John Huppenthal, had asked Tashima to dismiss the lawsuit.

Huppenthal ruled last week that the program violated the law and ordered that 10% of the district’s monthly share of state aid be withheld until the program came into compliance. Deductions would begin in February and would include penalties retroactive to the beginning of the school year. That would amount to about $5 million in February, according to the Arizona Department of Education, and $14.4 million over the fiscal year.

Teachers also argued that the law infringed on their 1st Amendment rights. Tashima rejected that argument, ruling that speech made while teaching falls within a teacher’s “official duties” and thus has no constitutional protection.

But the two students do have legal standing to challenge the law, he ruled, because they are Latinos who intend to take the classes in the future and could not do so if the classes were eliminated.

Because History isn’t primarily the study of people oppressing the shit out of others for millenia. good work, Arizona. You continue to amaze us.

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Judges Say It’s Cool For Texas To Stick Unwanted Object In Your Vagina. I Think There’s a Name For That…

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

Don’t tread on me? 

A panel of federal appellate judges has authorized Texas officials to enforce a controversial abortion sonogram law while its constitutionality is being challenged in court.

In an opinion, the judges said the measure’s opponents “failed to demonstrate constitutional flaws” in the measure, which they said was “fatal” to their effort to prevent it from taking effect.

The transvaginal ultrasound transducer...for freedom

The abortion sonogram law, which lawmakers passed last legislative session, requires doctors to perform sonograms and describe what they see, including the size of the fetus and the length of its limbs. The measure has been in court almost since it passed, with opponents arguing it violates doctors’ First Amendment rights by forcing them to disclose information that isn’t medically necessary and that the woman may not want to hear.

The big problem here, other than all of it, is that most abortions occur early in pregnancies, when the cell clusters are too small to detect without inserting an ultrasound machine into the woman. 

The Fifth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals overturned Austin District Judge Sam Sparks’ temporary order this morning, preventing the sonogram measure from taking effect.

According to the appellate judges’ opinion, “the required disclosures of a sonogram, the fetal heartbeat, and their medical descriptions are the epitome of truthful, non-misleading information.”

Acitvist Misogynist judges should tell doctors how to practice and shame and belittle women as much as possible. That’s what Sam Houston would’ve wanted.  There will be no exceptions for rape or incest victims. surprise!  Although there will be obvious exceptions if you have a lot of money for ”discrete procedures” with the right doctor, or in other jurisdictions.

Here’s a petition. Mess with Texas before they mess with your vagina, or the vagina of someone you love.

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Worst People of 2011

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, January 10th, 2012

Adult "Bat Boy," a/k/a Rick Scott

20.  Rick Scott:  You have a friend on Facebook who updated his status with something like this:  ”post this as your status if you think all welfare/UEI recipients should be drug tested.  They’re all just puffing up ratings for the Price Is Right, so let’s make them jump through as many hoops as possible in this awesome job market. It’s a great use of state resources. USA! Also…fuck ‘em.”

Now imagine you are the governor of an awful state and implemented said policy because it’s the ultimate in pandering. (Also, it’s always cool uniting behind facebook campaigns….Matt and 211,932 others like “orange highlighters.”) 

Then imagine that before you were governor you were CEO of a company found guilty of  the largest Medicaid fraud in the country’s history. 

Let he who has not overbilled Medicare cast the first reimbursement.

Of course, the drug testing ended up costing the state more than it’s worth to deny benefits to the 2% of recipients who failed the drug tests. (If the state tested elected officials, I would bet $1.7 billion that more than 2% would drop “positive.” )

Oh, and it might be unconstitutional as a clear violation of the 4th Amendment. However, BO/W have made sure the 4th is the Tito or Jermaine of Amendments.

Stay true to form, Rick. See you next year.

19. Fmr. Sheriff Patrick J. Sullivan:  Can be located in cell block 3 of Patrick J. Sullivan Detention Facility.

18. Mike Allen: If you boiled down the smugly nonsensical petri dish of cable news to print form, you would have Politico. Mike Allen is its chief political reporter.  He’s also a talking point wrapped in a talking point pretending to do real journalism in talking point form, with the apparent lack of any discerning value system.

He clocked in at #9 on Alex Parenee’s 2011 Hack 30 List, and god willing he’ll one day reach the top of that City on a Hill.

17. Bank of America:  Since corporations are now people, they can now be included . (Thanks John Roberts, Chief Justice of the US Chamber of Commerce Supreme Court!)

In June, Bof A settled claims against its adopted lovechild Countrywide for a very light $8.5B.  While simultaneously putting their hand out to the TARP gatekeepers, BofA continued attempts to foreclose on Americans who weren’t even behind in their payments.  Beyond the hidden fees and all the other Big  Bank bullshit, they’re also really good at foreclosing on military families.

Purple Mountains Majesty!

16. Jon Corzine:  Even among elected Democrats, Corzine’s duplicity stands out in technicolor.  The former NJ Governor drove MFGF into the ground while practicing the same behavior he long condemned. In other words, the Goldman Sachs Way.  From the Philadelphia Inquirer:

When I read MF Global Finance’s second-quarter results, though, what popped out at me was its compensation expenses: 64 percent of revenues went to compensation. In any industry but Wall Street, that would be obscene. Indeed, in a talk he gave at Princeton last year, Corzine said that he’d been “arguing about compensation sins of Wall Street” for decades. Not enough to actually do anything about it, though, once he was back in charge of a firm.

Then there’s Corzine’s own compensation. When he walked in the door, he negotiated a salary of $1.5 million. (Incredibly, MF Global Holdings paid a $400,000 fee to Corzine’s lawyers.) He also received a signing bonus of $1.5 million, and $11 million in stock options.

But here’s the kicker. Like many executives — on Wall Street and off — Corzine’s agreement also covered his eventual departure. If he left MF Global because, say, it was sold, his $11 million in stock options would immediately vest, and he would get a $12.1 million golden parachute. Of course, the MF Global proxy statement doesn’t call it a golden parachute. It calls the payment “severance.”

There’s more to the story. When Joe Nocera wrote this killer column earlier this week, it hadn’t even come out yet that….THE MONEY’S GONE!!!

Federal regulators have discovered that hundreds of millions of dollars in customer money has gone missing from MF Global in recent days, prompting an investigation into the brokerage firm, which is run by Jon S. Corzine, the former New Jersey governor, several people briefed on the matter said on Monday.

15.  Charlie Sheen: next.

14.  Joe Walsh:  The Illinois rep. is a self-proclaimed “family values” tea partier who differs with his family’s value by the $100,000 he owes in child support. However, he loves to take personal responsibility and blame any of his kids’ debt on Obama.  He yells at constituents and doesn’t think a single bank has done a single thing wrong. He’s also a 2nd Amendment revolution troll. All around great guy. Well done, IL-8.

BTW, The Family Research Council Action gave Walsh an award for his “unwavering support of the family,” because of course they did.

13.  Evan Bayh:  A Man Of Honor.

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