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College Football Players, Awaken…

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, January 29th, 2014

[Former NCAA President Myles Brand:] They can’t be paid.
[Q:] Why?
[Brand:] Because they’re amateurs.
[Q:] What makes them amateurs?
[Brand:] Well, they can’t be paid.
[Q:] Why not?
[Brand:] Because they’re amateurs.
[Q:] Who decided they are amateurs?
[Brand:] We did.
[Q:] Why?
[Brand:] Because we don’t pay them.

- Michael Rosenberg’s 2010 Sports Illustrated interview of former NCAA president Myles Brand

Yesterday, quarterback Kain Colter led a group of Northwestern football players in petitioning the National Labor Relations Board to be represented by the National College Players Association, the first such action taken by college athletes.

If recognized by the Board, the official name of the organization would be the College Athletes Players Association. According to CAPA’s web site, their goals include:

* Guaranteed coverage for sports-related medical expenses for current and former players.

* Minimizing the risk of sports-related traumatic brain injury. Reduce contact in practices, place independent concussion experts on the sidelines, and establish uniform return to play protocols.

* Improve graduation rates. Establish an educational trust fund to help former players complete their degree and reward those who graduate on time.

* Increase athletic scholarships and allow players to receive compensation for commercial sponsorships.

* Secure due process rights. Ensure players are not punished simply because they are accused of a rule violation, and any punishments should be consistent across campuses.

The possible ramifications are wide-ranging. The petition could fizzle, either via Board decision, or if widespread support fails to coalesce while numerous legal challenges tie up matters as the initial petitioners move well past graduation. It could lead to a wider unionization movement, or perhaps more likely, an agreement outside the traditional “organized labor” model whereby the players in revenue-generating sports receive, as Colter put it, “a seat at the table” with the individual school or with the NCAA, an organization flush with cash but desperate for continued relevance.

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Where I Let Ted Nugent Troll Me Again

Posted by Matt on Sunday, August 4th, 2013

nugentTreasonous intestinal cyst Ted Nugent can’t stop tap-dancing on Trayvon Martin’s grave.  Following the Zimmerman verdict, he wrote a gleeful article (I won’t link) containing the thesis that Zimmerman should sue Trayvon Martin’s parents for making a big deal out of the fact that he killed their son.  On a Maine radio show this week, he leaned in with dog-whistling gusto.

Of the Trayvon Martin case, Nugent said, “Trayvon got justice.” He went on to say that Martin was a “gangsta wannabe” who had a “bloodthirst,” as evidenced by the fact that he was supposedly eager to “get into fights with people.” He said Martin showed racism in calling George Zimmerman a “cracka.”

The teenager with ice tea and Skittles “got justice” when he was killed after being stalked by a grown man with 50 lbs on him. Seriously. I don’t have the energy to rehash this tragedy. But agree with the law. (i don’t) Agree with the jury. (i don’t).  Just don’t talk about a dead child as “justice.”

Also, as we all know, Cat Scratch Fever and Smoke On The Water are the same fucking song, though the latter is somehow infinitely better.

I’ll close with a classy Motor City Madman phrase – ‘Suck on my gun, Nuge.’

And by “gun,” I mean “penis.”

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“Thank Dead Reagan For Electing Obama,” Says America’s Favorite Congressman

Posted by Matt on Friday, May 24th, 2013

In 1986, Ronald Reagan signed an immigration bill that included amnesty for about 3 million undocumented immigrants and secret Russian agents.  The consequences were twofold:  Having to press “1″ for English and the election of President Obama.

Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) said Thursday that President Obama would not be president if it weren’t for the 1986 amnesty bill that Ronald Reagan signed into law.

In an effort to dissuade Republicans, King argued that the 1986 immigration bill that Reagan signed into law is estimated to have brought amnesty to three million illegal immigrants.

He said conservative estimates show that, on average, each of these people brought in five others, leading to 15 million more people in the country, most of whom voted for Obama.

If these illegals aren’t in jail or busy pushing a Jarritos cart (without a permit!), they’re getting their vote on for “anchor president” Barack Obama.

Steve King is so against immigration reform he’ll throw Saint Zombie Reagan under the Greyhound and then build a fence made out of unsubstantiated election statistics.

You may remember congressman King from such gems as, The Only Congressman to vote against acknowledging slave labor built the capitol (and also elected Obama, amirite?); hating on hate crime protections; hating on Messicans (v.I to v.MMLM); hating on Messico and even hating on traveling to Messico.

Set your clocks to Teh Crazy. Steve King will be back.

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Vinny Del Negro Receives Exciting New Opportunity To Get Fired By Spring Grove High School

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, May 22nd, 2013

Spring Grove, IN – New Spring Grove High School basketball coach Vinny Del Negro is ecstatic about his upcoming opportunity to get fired by the Indiana school. Meeting with reporters on Wednesday, Del Negro said, “I’m expecting big things out of this program. We’re going to put forth nearly maximum effort for the next 2 to 3 years before everyone realizes I’m in over my head and I move on to the next opening.”

The school officially hired Del Negro on Tuesday, hours after the Los Angeles Clippers declined to renew his contact.  Del Negro replaces former head coach Teddy Blake, who retired after 20 years and over 300 wins with the Blazers.

Coming off of an 18-8 season, SGHS returns 4 starters who should languish in Del Negro’s system that deemphasizes offensive movement and defensive discipline.vinny

“To take over a successful team with strong community support is very exciting,” Del Negro said. ”I expect Spring Grove to stand behind this team until the second time I burn our last time out with seven minutes left.”

Spring Grove Athletic Director Ben Simpson spoke to the press about the hire. “Well, it’ll be great for these kids to learn from a coach who has failed so spectacularly at such a high level.  By consistently getting so little out of talented players, he’ll be a great example to these kids not only on the court, but off the court as well.”

Added Simpson, “If a guy like Vinny can get to the big time, that’s a great confidence boost for these kids as they move forward in their academic and athletic pursuits.”

The Blazers open the season with 4A Champion Carmel on November 17th. Del Negro promises to play all 12 players and at least 57 different lineup combinations in the opener.

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Reporter Posts Instagram Actually Worth Viewing

Posted by Matt on Monday, April 29th, 2013

Tampa Bay Rays’ reporter Kelly Nash on assignment in Boston:  Easy on the the eyes. Lucky is her dome.

Sun Sports Rays reporter Kelly Nash was at Fenway Park in Boston watching batting practice.

Nash wanted to take a picture of her experience for her family, who is from Massachusetts.


According to, Nash’s producer warned her several times to watch out for baseballs flying into their area.

However, Nash decided to turn her back to the field and snap a photo.


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The Last Harlem Shake Video You Need To Watch…Promise

Posted by Matt on Thursday, April 4th, 2013



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Pitchfork Reviews The Cheap Bottle Of Wine I Drank Last Night – Grand Traverse 2010 Pinot Noir

Posted by Matt on Friday, March 1st, 2013

2010 Grand Traverse Reserve Pinot Noir – 7.1

Grand Traverse Reserve’s bare-boned debut, 1977′s Grand Traverse Reserve, flourished on the charming improbability of its artistic success. Surrounded by cherry farmers, Grand Traverse rolled out ornery notes that whimsically captured the locals favor, while receding like a mirage as a largescale cultural afterthought.

Fast forward a few decades and GTRPN has taken the next logical step as one of Michigan’s finest vintages. Don’t confuse the subtle pepper notes for haughtiness. By the time Affleck showed up in Argo, I was 2 glasses in and so glad I had this tasty companion to carry me through to the end. (Ed. Note – Not “smiling” glad – more of a stoic contentment.)

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Writer Feels Bad For Star Athlete With $260 Million Dollar Shoe Contract

Posted by Matt on Friday, September 14th, 2012

There’s a lot of heavy shit going on in the world. Me? I’m having a sad with DRose.


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Happy Birthday, America! This One’s For You

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, July 4th, 2012

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Well-Organized Anarchist Bookfare Devolves Into Something About Starbucks

Posted by Matt on Monday, April 16th, 2012

Grounds Zero

It was a beautiful day for an NYC Anarchist Bookfare. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. Someone pontificated on the encroaching evil of airbags.  It was a great day.  Then…all hell kind-of-didn’t break loose.

Customers at an East Village Starbucks escaped a shot of shattered glass in their lattes when the cafe windows withstood an anarchist onslaught.Patrons at Astor Place coffee shop dashed underneath tables as metal pipe-wielding protesters attempted to shatter its floor-to-ceiling Plexiglas windows during a Saturday night riot, police and workers said.Luckily, the unbreakable panes prevented injuries, one barista said.

Windows 1. Anarchists 0 (with an A inside the 0).
When these brave anti-establishmentarianians couldn’t use their weapons to defeat Starbucks’ windows, they turned their pipes to the NYPD - because it’s obviously the police’s fault that Starbucks’ has poor employee benefits and that consumption of Starbucks’ beverages infringes on a free person’s right to self-determine when to poo.
But two NYPD officers weren’t so fortunate. A sergeant was hit repeatedly in the head, body and hands with a metal pipe, a police source said, while a lieutenant also sustained injuries.The group carried on and marched against traffic into the streets near Washington Square Park after leaving the Fifth Annual New York City Anarchist Book Fair at Judson Church on Washington Square South, police said. They began chanting “F— the NYPD”, “All pigs must die,” and “Cops are murderers’, officials said.
Great messaging.  

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Gratuitous World Blog

    • College Football Players, Awaken…
      January 29, 2014

      [Former NCAA President Myles Brand:] They can’t be paid. [Q:] Why? [Brand:] Because they’re amateurs. [Q:] What makes them amateurs? [Brand:] Well, they can’t be paid. [Q:] Why not? [Brand:] Because they’re amateurs. [Q:] Who decided they are amateurs? [Brand:] We did. [Q:] Why? [Brand:] Because we don’t pay them. – Michael Rosenberg’s 2010 Sports Illustrated interview of former NCAA president Myles Brand Yesterday, quarterback Kain Colter led a group […]

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      January 7, 2014

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