Douchenozzle of the Week

Posted by Matt on Monday, August 6th, 2012

chicken salad, motherfucker

Hit a woman?  criminal dirtbag.

Hit an old woman? criminal dirtbag who deserves sterilization.

Hit your grandma? criminal dirtbag who deserves sterilization via grease fire.

Hit your grandma who had just bought you lunch and lets you live at her home?  OH MY GOD!!! STERILIZATION WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS!!!

A South Carolina woman returned home from the grocery store Saturday afternoon and told her grandson that she had purchased some chicken salad.

However, Jesse Beam, 26, misheard his 67-year-old kin.

“Don’t call me chicken, again!” said Beam, according to a Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office report.

Beam’s grandmother told deputies that she “attempted to explain to Jesse she was not calling him chicken,” but her grandson threw a bowl of food at her and shoved her to the ground as she sought to flee her Bethesda Drive residence.

The woman sustained assorted cuts, contusions, and scratches, and possibly a broken nose during the attack.

Beam, was arrested for assault and battery and booked into the Spartanburg County jail. He remains in custody in lieu of $2000 bond.

Beam’s grandma will probably bring him something like roast chicken + mashed potatoes to the police station because of unconditional love.  He’ll throw it at her. The gravy will burn her because she wrapped it real carefully in foil so it would still be hot for her grandson.  He will be tasered but the damage is done.

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