As this excruciating 2-year election season comes to a close (1-20-09, never forget!), we’re all excited for these mid-term elections to be over so that Congress can get back to grandstanding and naming roads. In the next two weeks, GW will profile some of the more intriguing races.
WISCONSIN - A unique state that has elected progressive heroes such as Robert LaFollette and Russ Feingold, as well as Joseph McCarthy, a hero to sweaty, fear-mongering bigots. One thing remains certain – the election will probably turn on the ’2-spin’ Female demographic – a “big” part of WI’s electorate.
INCUMBENT - Feingold is seeking his 4th term, and is truly a unique breed – but not because of his jewwwwishness. Prior to his political career, Feingold was a poor attorney, making him (supposedly) one of the Senate’s few non-millionaires. Furthermore, he often displays an independent streak, as evidenced by him being the “1″ in the Senate’s 99-1 vote to pass the ironically named Patriot Act. He also worked with ‘pre-08 McCain’ on a landmark campaign finance bill that was recently rendered meaningless by the Roberts’ Court’s decision in Citizen’s United, which lets multi-national corporations fuck democracy in the ass. And speaking of sex acts, Feingold cast the sole Democratic vote to continue Clinton’s Fellatio trial.
His independent spirit and willingness towards bipartisanship are exactly what many voters have been clamoring for. So he’ll probably lose.
Not Fun Fact - The average donation to Feingold’s campaign is $53. That’s a little more than 2 visits to Madison’s Plasma Clinic (which paid @ $25 a pop in 2000.)
CHALLENGER - Ron Johnson is one of the handful of teabagger-friendly candidates currently running in this horrific election cycle. He’s a self-made man who has pulled himself up by his Elk Ridge hunting bootstraps through a combination of federal grants and marrying well. He also testified on behalf of the Green Bay Diocese’s right to shuffle child molesters around and not get sued. This piety is derived from the Founders, so he’s clearly more American than your pinko ass.
Not Fun Fact - Johnson thinks scientists who believe Global Warming is attributable to man-made causes are “crazy” and the theory is “lunacy.” Not-A-Scientist-Johnson thinks, “It’s far more likely that it’s just sunspot activity or just something in the geologic eons of time.” or some shit like that…could be anything…but DEFINITELY not man-made.
PREDICTION - From Eau Claire to Janesville (gross), tea “partiers” will be celebrating like lubricated Packers fans. Russ makes it close, but enough hefty Wisconsinites will be able to squeeze into the voting booths and squeeze out a victory for Rascal Scooter users everywhere. At the end of the day, the Senate loses its true “maverick.” Thanks a lot, Wisconsin…and learn how to fucking drive.
(Johnson by 2.)