Here I Secretly Live Blog Watching “Love Actually” With My Wife

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, December 19th, 2012

This might be my wife’s favorite movie.  I’ve always lied and said, “I’ve seen it,”  and “It sucks,” because (a) I’m an asshole and (b) see ‘A.’  Tonight we watch.  In fact, I have never seen more than a few minutes of it.  Merry Christmas.

  • Is this really opening with a Hugh Grant voice over invoking 9/11 and including the words “Love Actually”?  I can only be pleasantly surprised.
  • So how many of these people does Liam Neeson kill with his skill set?
  • Can’t hold off.  Twist open that wine (ya, it’s a twist off). Made it to “Creative Producers” on opening credits!
  • Hey look Tim from The Office (UK)!
  • So much befuddlement.
  • This new girl is going to be Prime Minister Grant’s “Fiscal Cliff.”
  • Wife, “This movie almost didn’t get made, FYI.”
  • titties. +1
  • I lied. I already watched 4 Weddings and a Funeral with my Mom.  It was so repressed. Everything is crashing down.
  • “I hate her” Not sure who that was intended for.
  • “I love the hopeful music each time they’re going to tell you something good.”
  •  ”I don’t know what he’s been in, but he’s good-looking”
  • 4 Weeks Til Christmas!
  • (ok, not doing ths secretly anymore…)
  • Wife, “This is where they take their subtle digs at America…”  say it ain’t so.
  • Wisconsin babes? Good luck James Cook.
  • Emma Thompson is a fine looking boy.
  • “Let’s turn it up a little bit.”  good idea. you can’t quite hear the dramatic pauses.
  • “This is like my favorite part.”  Part I – (the British TRL Scene)
  • I once watched a porn and the guy was wearing a Santa hat, but there were no other XMas references in the entire scene. The woman started out in business casual.  It was kind of weird.
  • Ah, Portugal. Down South America way.
  • Billy Bob Bush Clinton Johnson Nixon
  • Hugh Grant listing great British achievements. Where is the Kenyan anti-colonial subtext I kept reading about?
  • “How come we don’t say PapiEh Mache?”
  • I wonder if these 2 people who just met and don’t speak the same language but are totally on the same wavelength will get together… and rob a bank, take the teller hostage, then kill her in a marathon session of autoerotic esphixiation before burning her corpse.
  • Keira Knightly shouldn’t go anywhere without the Indian soccer player.
  • “It’s weird she has to tuck her ears in her hat.” indeed.
  • Would Liam Neeson even go after his son if some Chechyn kidnapped him?
  • Correction:  ”Stepson” (exactly)
  • Robert Palmer what the fuck.
  • “Who wears devil horns at Christmas?!”
  • “This is one of my favorite parts of the whole movie!”  Part II (Sex Scene/Linney happy dance)
  •  Wife keeps asking me to judge adults with stuffed animals. Alas…
  • Couple Power Rankings:  1 –  Porn Stand Ins / 2 – Language Barrier / 3 – Grant-Oblivious Lewinsky / 4 – Linney-Handsome Boring Guy / 5. Thompson-Devil Ears-Neeson-Dogma Guy Shitshow / 6- Knightly-Guy Who likes West Wing.
  • Kids, this is a day of marriage (w/no kids):  Work -> travel vaccinations -> fight about baked potatoes -> Love Actually
  • Me:  Are those Linney’s breasts?  Cortney:  ”She believed in this movie enough…”
  • (I really said, “Tits”)
  • 1 Week To Christmas!
  • Silly Rabbit. There are no condoms in Fond du Lac.
  • Is Barney still around?  that fucking guy.
  • Man, I was just thinking this movie was missing some Matchbox 20.
  • Alright, these biscuits in the Wisconsin townie bar might as well be anatomically correct Abominable Snowmen.
  • Betty Draper is fucking miserable! Don’t do it!  (yeah ok, do it.)
  • In Love Actually 2, they rip off my story about meeting a single mother in a Middleton, WI dive bar and then having her mother (grandma) drive me back to my car in the morning. (It’s not going make the trailer…)
  • Claudia Schiffer:  perfectly dated reference.
  • Otis? Their music budget must’ve been insane. (maybe they just all believed in the project…)
  • Screw Uncle Jamie!
  • They’re romanticizing this fucking clown throwing Say Anything + cue cards at his best friend’s wife.
  • More tears.
  • In fairness, well done with the comical Washed Up Rock Star.
  • *clapping* and volume just got turned up.
  • “This is my favorite too.”  Part III  (Grant singing xmas carols)
  •  ”It’s all happening!” like it’s the 1st time she has seen this…
  • In the movies, it’s usually only the Mc’s with families this big + sweetly intrusive.
  • It’s all coming together!
  • Does it end with Grant giving her a subscription to Jelly of the Month Club?
  • “In the states they would never allow a lobster or whale at the birth of Jesus. this is awesome.”
  • “What? I just set the volume at 69.”
  • “She’s so pretty. I wonder what happeneed to her? hopefully not drugs.”
  • *snapping* + “I’m a really good snapper” Yea you are.
  • “there are a lot of fat jokes in this movie. I will admit it.”
  • Post-9/11 child running through security and then running (not on moving walkway) away from guards is exactly what christmas cinema is all about.  Salute.
  • Haha, that old, “Portuguese only care about qualified waitstaff” theory is so true!”
  • “She took English lessons too! that’s the best part…” *sobbing*  haha that’s awesome. I love my wife.
  • 1 Month Later!
  • Please nobody take my “Shannon Elizabeth Doing Accents” album idea.
  • Closing with a fat joke

Closing dialogue:

Wife:  ”It’s a good movie” *fighting back tears*

Me:  ”Yeah it wasn’t so bad. Not my favorite though.”

Wife: “What? I’m gonna pee. Then we’re watching Ms. Universe.”


One Response to Here I Secretly Live Blog Watching “Love Actually” With My Wife

  1. Kevin says:

    *applauds* … Would read again.

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