Monkey See, Monkey Dude?

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

Glenn Beck took a break from plotting the repeal of the 20th Century to get science-y today. I’ll just let him do his thing:

I don’t think we came from monkeys. I think that’s ridiculous. I haven’t seen a half-monkey, half-person yet.”

If I get to the other side and God’s like, ‘You know what, yep, you were a monkey once,’ I’ll be shocked, but I’ll be cool with it,” he said.

They have to make you care,” Beck continued. “They have to force it down your throat. When anybody has to force it — it’s a problem. You didn’t have to force that the world was round. Truth is truth.”

separated at earth

I’ve apparently missed all these uber-aggressive scientists mind-raping everyone with evolutionary theory.  Maybe they should get syndicated radio shows.

Like Beck, I’m really impatient for evolution to show itself. I mean, according to the established theory, didn’t it only take a few weeks for amoebas to evolve into fish who then evolved into Leprechauns by the end of the following Spring? This guy is on onto something.

While I have seen 2 million year old human remains in East Africa, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man-monkey on the street either.

You know what else I haven’t seen yet? GOD, YOU FUCKING CLOWN. And the invocation of the earth’s shape is hilarious considering the ‘flat earth society’ existed up until the time the Soviets finally put a rocket into space. 

Beck is a stickler for Fischer Price evidence and until the 50s, I’m sure he would’ve hated all the round-earth Pythagoras-loving motherfuckers shoving all that physics down his throat.

Truth is truth? Jesus. Are you even trying anymore?


2 Responses to Monkey See, Monkey Dude?

  1. astrowright says:

    lol. Well said. And as I recall, that the Earth was round was controvertial, and did have to be forced. “Four corners/pillar of the world” biblical passages were held as counter-proof. Beck employing Revisionism? Say it ain’t so. Oh, and “Truth is truth” worked so well for a heliocentric solar system too, didn’t it? Oh, wait. Right, people were killed for that. “We see the sun go around us. I think orbiting the sun is ridiculous. I have yet to go to another planet and watch it go around the Sun, yet.”

    Goooo Beck. Rock your 17th-Century bad self.

  2. Kevin says:

    It makes more sense if you write it on a chalkboard … you can’t take it out of context like that.

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