On the short-lived and underloved series Party Down, the main character (“Henry” – Adam Scott) is confronted with possibility of playing “Young Lincoln” in the blockbuster adaptation of a graphic novel about Edgar Allen Poe hunting vampires.
H: “You’re Edgar Allen Poe?”
M: “Yeah, the graphic novel. It’s the writer, but he’s killin’ vampires. It’s Leonard’s next movie!”
H: “Wow. You’re Edgar Allen Poe?”
M: “Yeah, fuckin’ up vampires in Old Baltimore.”
Of course, that’s a joke made up in a fictional universe, poking fun of the ridiculousness of standard Hollywood fare. This is apparently real:
Say it ain’t so, Tim Burton! Young Lincoln wielding an axe + fucking up the undead in slow-motion?! Ah yes, the part of “Team of Rivals” I must’ve skimmed.
The Lincoln-Douglas debates weren’t really arduous, policy-dense exercises in rhetoric. What actually happened is as follows: Midway through debate #3, Lincoln noticed Douglas bristle after accidentally touching a silver inkwell, at which time Abe Matrix-flipped off an oak tree and severed Douglas in two with his axe, saying,
“a vampire divided against itself can not stand.”
This isn’t ”hard sci-fi” or “kiddie bullshit.” This is the history of our 16th president that the liberals and University commies won’t teach your kids.
(Coincidentally, Stephen Spielberg is working on the pink-o adaptation of Doris Kearns Goodwin’s epic biography with the greatest living actor as Abe…)