Posts Tagged CNN


Posted by Matt on Tuesday, January 7th, 2014

South Beach, 2025

(originally posted 2/10/10) then again (7/9/10) now one more time before retirement. for love.

UPDATE: So it’s as hot as fuck out east because, you know, it’s July. Anyway, I’m just checking in because although You Know and I Know daily mid-Atlantic microtrends in weather do not offer any proof or disproof with regard to climate change, some people with soapboxes and microphones evidently lost that perspective last winter. I just wanted to see if the pendulum-of-idiocy had swung in the other direction. Predictably, it hasn’t. Science deniers remain scientifically dipshits. too bad.

I was expecting a contrite James Inhofe & Family to be building a series of solar-powered sand castles labeled “Gore Village.” But to no avail.

For the record, NASA determined 2009 to be the 2nd warmest year on record.


…but thankfully, global warming will have nothing to do with it. According to these experts, 2 February snowstorms in the Mid-Atlantic mean climate change is a fable because that’s where all the myopic politicians live.

Exhibit A – Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC):

Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) on Tuesday used the D.C. snowstorm to make a political jab, saying that it provides evidence for global warming skeptics.

“It’s going to keep snowing in DC until Al Gore cries “uncle,” the conservative Senator tweeted on Twitter.

Zing! Exhibit B - Dr. Sean Hannity:

“It’s the most severe winter storm in years, which would seem to contradict Al Gore’s hysterical global warming theories.”

Pile on! Let’s hear from Exhibit C, the man with the B.A. + real estate background, the Senate’s biggest amateur scientist and denier of climate change who just happened to get close to $1m from oil companies over the last decade…a guy who keeps his garage heated at 90F just to be an asshole. I present Senator Jim Inhofe (R-OK):

The Oklahoma Republican’s daughter, Molly Rapert; her husband, Jimmy; and their four children built an igloo — roomy enough to fit several people inside — at Third Street and Independence Avenue Southeast. They officially dedicated the humble abode in honor of global-warming crusader Gore, even posting a cardboard sign on the igloo’s roof reading “AL GORE’S NEW HOME” on one side and “HONK IF YOU [HEART] GLOBAL WARMING” on the other. Inhofe told HOH that he found his family’s ironic tribute to Gore — which came during one of Washington’s snowiest winters on record — “really humorous.”

Hey-o!  Looks like someone inherited the knack for building houses. While these hilarious antics are considered good-natured for the GOP, the air horns of faulty causal relationships wouldn’t be complete without a meek Democrat running for the slopes…

Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-N.M.) said the blizzards that have shut down Congress have made it more difficult to argue that global warming is an imminent danger.

“It makes it more challenging for folks not taking time to review the scientific arguments,” said Bingaman, who as the chairman of the Energy and Natural Resources Committee has jurisdiction over energy and climate change issues.

“People see the world around them and they extrapolate,” Bingaman said. “I think that it’s hard to see an economy-wide cap-and-trade [proposal] of the type that passed the House could prevail,” he added, though he suggested a more limited alternative could have a better chance.

Totally! Getting stuff done is just so hard with all these Republicans talking out of their asses. Since the Media is going to treat these campaign slogans as legitimate scientific criticism, I guess I might as well defer to these idiots, tuck my tail between my snowpants, head back to Santa Fe, and sit on my roof with a fucking shovel.

At the risk of hitting my head against the wall, can we venture to agree that one infantesimally small sample size of weather does not an established theory break?

When asked,  Bingham could’ve done his own cherry-picking: Last month was the hottest January on record; Last decade was the warmest on record; There’s no snow in Canada and the Winter Olympics are going to start in 3 days. Holy Shit! The Olympics need snow??!! How will we determine which country is best at chasing someone on skis while firing a gun?! Mary Matalin + Donna Brazile, you are neither scientists or athletes. Your thoughts?

With so many issues that deserve constructive debate, it’s fantastic that we can take the time to manufacture an issue out of a 20-yr global scientific consensus. This country is hilarious. Stay warm.

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Can We All Stop For A Minute And Tell Oscar Pistorius To Shut The Fuck Up?

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, June 4th, 2013

“Alleged” murderer and Olympic Roid-Fraud Oscar Pistorius is on a PR tour in anticipation of being tried and probably found not guilty on a technicality by a supremely messed up South African judicial system.

A sickly piece of journalism journamalism that only a celebrity-fuckwad like Pistorious receives, CNN’s Robyn Curnow got a chance to interview Pistorious as well as his Uncle and agent.  She opens her column with this drivel:

Pretoria, South Africa (CNN) – Oscar Pistorius is a heartbroken man who has to live with the fact that he killed the love of his life, his uncle has told CNN in an exclusive interview.

For the past three months, the double amputee sprinter has been living at his Uncle Arnold’s house in Pretoria. He has grown a beard because he doesn’t want to be recognized, and has surrounded himself with photos of Reeva Steenkamp, his uncle says.

Pistorius is charged with murdering the 29-year-old model and law school graduate early on February 14, and faces a court hearing next Tuesday.

Arnold Pistorius described the runner’s grief as “unthinkable” and says his heart bleeds for his nephew. “He’s got photos in his room, photos all over the place. He’s housebound, you know. He doesn’t go out in public places.”

pistoriousYeaahh, he doesn’t go out. Except for that time in April when he was out taking sad whiskey shots and grief flirting with the blonde ladies of Johannesburg.  But c’mon – he had mourned for a solid 6 weeks.  Have to move on at some point.

Way to call him on that.

The rest of Curnow’s article is entirely about the psychopath’s beard-growing and crocodile-crying. Not one question about the logic of why your 1st reaction to a hypothetical intruder is not to locate the “most important person in your life,” and instead just unload 4 shots into an occupied bathroom.

And if the parameters of the interview limited questions to Pistorious being a sad sack, why even bother?  So great “exclusive” CNN.

Almost forgot…Oscar: STFU


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There Was An Election?

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, November 13th, 2012

A week has passed and everything has changed.  Congratulations to all the liberal, gay potheads out there.  You are the big winners.  Love you guys.  Also, math.

That’s my primary take-away. Here are some other thoughts.

1.  When the Bangkok Post broke Tammy Duckworth’s victory, I took a moment to be happy. Not gloating. Not relieved. Just happy.  Most election days are debaucherous emotional rollercoasters. Yes, it’s nice when your candidate wins – but usually because the other guy (or girl, but usually guy) lost.    Politicians are almost universally compromised, so the black lining of the silver cloud always remains.

Duckworth/Walsh could possibly fit this mold. In my opinion, Joe Walsh is Washington’s most despicable elected official, though that’s a trough that runs wide and sinks deep.  Yes, it’s great that the millions of outside dollars that supported the flame throwing deadbeat birther were wasted.  It’s great that his attacks on her military service were not rewarded.  It’s great that voters possibly had some buyer’s remorse….And they should’ve been embarrassed, like the family whose relative goes on Price Is Right and accidentally says something anti-semitic.

But in that moment it wasn’t about Walsh.  Politicians universally disappoint and Duckworth might do the same. Is it possible there’s a skeleton in her closet?  Of course. Most of us have at least one, but baseless speculation is a waste of energy.

I’ve followed Duckworth since her narrow ’06 loss to Peter Roskam in a historically “red” district.  I knocked on some doors and made some calls on her behalf during that campaign, so I’m not unbiased.  However, her record as a Veterans’ Advocate speaks for itself.  An area the Bush administration effectively ignored, on a state and national level she has been a central part of the effort to address veterans’ issues such as employment, health care and education.  While the unemployment rate for veterans has dropped dramatically over the last 3 years, in some states (like Michigan), veterans’ unemployment is well over 10%, so there’s a long way to go.  Veterans will need advocates like Duckworth on Capitol Hill – real advocates and not merely some Suits who invoke them for political gain.

While she certainly touts her military experience, it’s not exploitative.  She shows strength.  A vote for her should not be a pity-vote for a veteran amputee, as Walsh would have you believe. She wouldn’t want that and that’s no reason to give anyone your vote.

Duckworth is not the most eloquent or dynamic speaker. She’s not the wonkiest person in the room. She’s not an old, rich, white man.  However, in a body bereft of grace, honor and intelligence, I’m confident she will bring those much-needed qualities.  I wish her well.  Congrats Tammy!

2.  OK, now back to your regularly scheduled idiocy…

History will note that the current GOP is one of the most obstructionist opposition parties in a century.  For 4 years, they collectively placed political power ahead of governing. How’d you do, buddy?

3.  Can’t believe I’m doing this, but I would like to compliment CNN on their relatively reserved election night coverage.  With previous panels bursting out of the studio, I thought they were escalating towards a Hollywood Square-type set-up with Dana Loesch in the center square.

I’ll take Ali Velshi for the block!

I was also lucky enough to tune in for the Fox News Meltdown, featuring Karl Rove and narrated by Megyn “of the Pod” Kelly.  That was epic.  Fox + CNN = big winners.  There’s a first time for everything.

4.  Rudy Giuliani – go away.

5.  One week later and no reports concerning the results of Sergeant Nicholas Brody’s election.

6.  DANGER!!! Voter fraud is such a huge problem that suppressing millions of voters with limited early voting, long lines, caging and confusing ID requirements failed to deter bipartisan arrests that numbered in the High Single Digits.  Fainting couches for some!  (Poll taxes for others.)

7.  It was a bad election cycle to be a dude with weird-ass theories about rape.


So, Congratulations President Obama – while you had your missteps, you managed to save the american auto industry from liquidation, effectively end the Iraq War, turn the tide for gay marriage and repeal DADT, pass a comprehensive health care bill + CHIP, increase veteran support, begin Afghanistan drawdown, kill Bin Laden, codify equal pay for women, and squeeze through enough stimulus and financial control to extinguish an economy that was on fire in ’08 and facilitate incremental recovery in a time when much of the industrialized world continues to flounder.  This was virtually all without the assistance of congressional republicans.

To wit, thank God the Dow hit 14,000! Remember when that was a key indicator of presidential accomplishment?  Harumph.  Also, if the worst “dirt” Darrell Issa and co. could fling at the administration over the course of 4 years was Solyndra and Fast & Furious, that’s one term void of a serious scandal.

A well-deserved reelection.  Good luck.  Fortunately, I expect a lot more cooperation from Republicans. Heyo!

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Hoo-ray! Tucker Carlson Exhibits Original Thought…And It’s As Terrible As You Might Expect

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

I accidentally watched 10 minutes of Erin Burnett last week.  She conveyed no substantive information except to remind me that America’s Media is doing its best to ensure we’ll enter another needless War.  It will be a great story to push once election season is over.  The lessons of Iraq are certainly not lost on the Media: Sit in Washington, stoke the flames of baseless threats, cover the invasion, then ignore the next decade of carnage. Wash, rinse, pat yourselves on the back. 

The Imperial Wheel of Fortune is spinning again. Whose turn is it now? A country who hasn’t unilaterally invaded another sovereign nation in centuries? Naturally.

Tucker Carlson took a break from pushing ‘earth shattering’ unsourced stories about Media Matters being a liberal outlet (oh no!) to chat Iran with Fox News.

Make your mark, you decrepit mutant spawn of the american media monolith and pot pie aristocracy…

CARLSON: I think we are the only country with the moral authority [...] sufficient to do that. [The U.S. is] the only country that doesn’t seek hegemony in the world. I do think, I’m sure I’m the lone voice in saying this, that Iran deserves to be annihilated. I think they’re lunatics. I think they’re evil.

Haha. Hegemony? Someone get this guy a dictionary.  Also, maybe Newt can swing by for some historical context – namely that the US + Britain orchestrated the overthrow of the democratically-elected Iranian government back in 1953.  Hegemony? hilarious.

But seriously, all 70+ million Iranians (even the vocal opposition to the current regime) are evil lunatics.  Evil faux-lunatic Tucker Carlson said so.


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There Are No Delegates In Syria – A CNN Report

Posted by Matt on Saturday, February 11th, 2012

I understand our Media is forever in a state of perpetual election coverage – and it’s actually worse during actual election years.

However, dare I say, the Syrian violence, beyond the mere bloodshed, is a much more important global event than some fringe caucus in Maine. (Is that even a state?)

Here are some reports from media outlets that continue with the novel idea of having foreign correspondents on the ground in places of importance (Not the Bangor Hardee’s).


Analysis: Syria’s complex and bloody crisis


Arab revolutions:  How to set Syria free

Arab World Perspective + Updates:

Syria Live Blog

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No Grace For The Cure

Posted by Matt on Friday, December 16th, 2011

LifeWay Christian Bookstores are part of LifeWay Christian Resources – an evangelical publishing powerhouse located in a huge corporate office overlooking the vomit crusted streets of Nashville.  They have over 150 locations and sell countless items.  Furthermore, their on-line offerings are extensive and impressive…

  • Subscribe to Pedalpoint MagazineArranagements of piano, organ, and various combinations of both. (“On Eagles’ Wings” or GTFO).
  • Lay  your hands on Lifeway’s Best Seller –  The Tehran Initiative – a riveting yarn billed as “a Christian thriller that will keep you on the edge of your seat! Iraq has just conducted its first atomic weapons test, and Israeli leaders feel a nuclear attack is imminent – which could leave the entire Middle East in shambles. It’s up to CIA operative David Shirazi and his team to track down the warheads before it’s too late. 
  • If you can’t handle more Iraq WMD fiction, spend some quality time with Tim Tebow’s Through My Eyes, LifeWay’s non-fiction(shocker!) best-seller .  Spoiler:  The book is terrible for the first 150 pages, but the last chapter is decent.
  • Not a big reader? Sign up for X-Fuge 2012!! (not fantasy camp for aspiring adult movie line producers that goes by the same name) Here’s what you can expect:

Want to do your own camp but don’t have the time to plan it? We’ll take care of the big stuff: pastor, worship band, fellowships, lodging, food and even Bible study. Join everyone in the morning and evening for camp-wide services then choose your experience for the rest of the day: on-campus team building or head out for some group adventures. (June-July)

LifeWay Bible Purse: Perfect accesory for that 'Walk of Shame'...or that 'thought of shame.' Actually great for any Bob Jones U or shame-related activity

You get the picture – thousands of products + thousands of books. There are hundreds of Bible versions, bible flash cards, bible purses (yes ladies, they exist), every Bible-themed product imaginable, except this one:

LifeWay Christian Bookstores has removed a Bible from its shelves because the Bible helped raise money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation, which in turn “funds Planned Parenthood” breast cancer programs.

The Bible, which was published by B&H Publishing Group, was sold with the stipulation that $1 from the sale of each Bible would go to the Komen Foundation. The foundation says on its website it gives money to Planned Parenthood, stating that funds from the foundation go to “Planned Parenthood-sponsored breast cancer health programs.”

“When our leadership discovered the overwhelming concern that some of Komen’s affiliates were giving funds to Planned Parenthood, we began the arduous process of withdrawing this Bible from the market,” stated a release by Thom S. Rainer, president and CEO of LifeWay. “Though we have assurances that Komen’s funds are used only for breast cancer screening and awareness, it is not in keeping with LifeWay’s core values to have even an indirect relationship with Planned Parenthood.”

Courageous decision.  The trauma of contemplating your daughter taking her advent-gifted bible purse into PP for a mammogram is avoided. From the Komen Foundation’s statement…

“In all cases, Komen funding is used exclusively to provide breast cancer programs, including clinical breast exams conducted by trained medical personnel,” stated the release. “It’s important to note that Komen will only make grants to non-profit organizations. As many mammography providers are for-profit entities, we are only to fund mammography services through grants made to local non-profit service providers.”

LifeWay’s non-profit corporate slogan is Biblical Solutions For Life. Of course it is. I’m sure they’ll be right there to pick up the slack and make breast exams by medical professionals more available. Maybe it can be part of X-Fuge 2013.

these guys are really into life (not yours obv...)


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Posted by Matt on Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

it's his time

This Charlie Sheen guy is getting a lot of play and it’s a little disconcerting.  CNN We need to get back to our normal lives of ignoring 6-figure protests in Madison, bitching about the Grammys and not having health insurance.  Level the universe and jettison people back to the altar of television. 

So here it is, CBS.  Bruce Vilanch and Vern Troyer in a screwball sitcom. Gold, right? I call it Jew and a Half Man

First one is on the house. However, my avante-garde Crispin Glover vehicle - Criminal Mimes, is going to cost you.

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Tumbleweeds Through The Village As Lovely Minuteman Leader Convicted Of Killing Brown Americans

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

Arizona has been doing a lot better since this

Forde: One if by Land, Two if by Cold Blooded Homicide

A Pima County jury convicted Shawna Forde today (2/14) of two counts of first-degree murder in the May 30, 2009 deaths of Arivaca residents Raul Junior Flores and his 9-year-old daughter, Brisenia.

The jury also convicted Forde of attempted first-degree murder in the shooting of Flores’ wife, Gina Gonzalez, as well as related aggravated assault and robbery counts.

On the first day of the trial, which has gained national attention (the HN scroll bar), Gonzalez testified her husband woke her to say the police were at the door. The woman at the door identified herself and the man with her as law enforcement officers looking for fugitives, Gonzalez said.

When her husband questioned the veracity of their story, Gonzalez said the gunman opened fire, shooting her husband and Gonzalez. As Gonzalez played dead on the floor, the gunman fired two bullets into their youngest daughter’s head, despite the little girl’s pleas…

Moments after the couple and two accomplices left, Gonzalez testified the woman returned to find her on the phone with 911 and called out to the gunman to finish her off. Gonzalez said she fled to the kitchen, armed herself and fired back when the gunman tried to kill her again. He then fled.

Forde, Jason Bush, 36, and Albert Gaxiola, 44, were arrested within two weeks of the slayings. Bush, the alleged gunman, and Gaxiola are scheduled to go to trial March 15 and June 1, respectively.

Prosecutors Rick Unklesbay and Kellie Johnson presented evidence they said showed Forde recruited Gaxiola, Bush and others to rob Flores because she suspected he was a drug smuggler and she needed a way to fund her Minuteman American Defense border organization.

Just is case this may be construed as an act of domestic terrorism, CNN (et. al) will be very careful not to call this an act of domestic terrorism.

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Stop, Drop and Troll

Posted by Matt on Friday, September 10th, 2010

hunk a hunk of burning hate.

Production meeting circa 1 week ago (for non-FN “News” organizations)…

Executive Producer:   ”Alright guys. We did a great job pushing that Ground Zero Mosque Story. People are eating up this anti-Muslim shit and we did literally NO work. We need to double down and continue this momentum. Any ideas?”

Producer A: “Well there was this mosque in Florida that was bombed and another one in Tennessee, and an-”

EP: “Hold on, Gary. Now that’s not bad. I like the “mosque” angle. The word itself turns eyes red and faces white. But remember we don’t want to be too sympathetic to those Islamics. Facts aside, Priority 1  is leaving ourselves in the best spot to defend against accusations of “liberal bias” from The Right – despite the fact that they’ll do it regardless. Yes? New Guy.”

Eager Go-Getter:  ”So there’s this fringe pastor down in Florida. He’s going the bar-b-que some Korans to celebrate 9/11 with his flock of 35 people.”

EP: “Anything else?”

Eager Go-Getter:  “well I don’t want to guarantee anything, but there’s a chance this pastor’s facial hair could be iconic .”

EP: “That’s perfect! we can give this guy all of our attention! This is the perfect non-story we won’t have to do any legwork for!  But it’s certain to inflame passions in the way our minimal war coverage never did! Run with it!”

And around and around it went. Pastor Frownstache is the Santa Claus of 9/11. But alas, he chickened out of igniting an international incident. He got what he wanted. His flock has grown. So imagine my surprise at this…

But the Rev. Bob Old of the Disciples of Christ ministry — who was inspired by Jones and planned to burn the Koran on Saturday at his home and post the video on YouTube — said he’s pushing forward. He also says that Jones backing down shows he wasn’t committed to the cause.

“That shows how strong his convictions are,” Old said, according to The Tennessean. “My event is about establishing who is God and who is not God. I will be burning a Quran, I’m not going to change my mind no matter who calls me.”

Old also compared himself to Moses, who in the Old Testament burned a golden calf when he found the Israelites worshiping it, The Tennessean said.

Look at all the attention this douchebag in florida received! I want national attention TOO! Just like Moses!  AND my flock is already filled with crazy nativists. Win Win!”

There may be religious leaders around the nation who will not be burning holy books this weekend. I’m not positive, but it seems likely.  Can we give them any love? Or just the fringe cuckoo asshats?

Take a deep breath.  Enjoy the holiday.

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CNN Doesn’t Think People Care? Are They Correct?

Posted by Matt on Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Imagine the outrage and indignation this story would cause:

At least 128 people were killed when Iranian troops opened fire on opposition protesters on Monday, rights groups and opposition figures claim.

Earlier police said 87 people had died, but local activists say hospital sources confirmed a much higher toll.

Human rights groups say they have had reports of soldiers bayoneting people and women being stripped and raped in the streets during the protest.

Iranian Revolutionary Guard head Yahya Rahim Safavi denied knowledge of sexual assaults.

But he admitted that some of his security forces had lost control.

French Foreign Minister Bernard Kouchner said France was suspending economic ties with Iran after the “savage and bloody” crackdown on opposition protesters, the French news agency AFP reported.

About 50,000 people were protesting over the results of Iran’s 2009 presidential election. 

But soldiers moved in to quell the rally using tear gas and baton charges and firing live ammunition into the crowds.

The Iranian Organisation for Defence of Human Rights put the toll at 157 people killed and more than 1,200 wounded, although this has not been corroborated.

Human rights groups said there were widespread reports of rape.

“The military is going into districts, looting goods and raping women,”  the head of the Iranian branch of the Encounter for the Defence of Human Rights (EDDHO), told AFP.

An eyewitness told Human Rights Watch: “I saw several women stripped and then put inside the military trucks and taken away. I don’t know what happened to them.”

“They were raping women publicly,” an opposition activist  said in an interview with French radio station RFI, adding that he had witnessed soldiers raping women with rifle butts during Monday’s protests.

Iranian human rights activists told Reuters news agency that people trying to escape from the shooting were “caught and finished off with bayonets”.

A doctor at a government hospital in Tehran said his wards looked like “a butchery”.

American pundits and politicians would be outraged.  Calls for military involvement to protect the democratic process would surely be forthcoming.  

Unfortunately, this story is not fiction. It’s just not taking place in Iran, North Korea, or any of the number places deemed “of concern” to American interests.  It is happening in Guinea, and apparently CNN doesn’t think anyone gives a shit (and they may be right). 

On, there is no article (even in the hard to find “Africa” section) and only a small video clip.  I’m not sure if the network covered it, but if they did I’m sure it’s sandwiched between a Polanski story and some bullshit about some fat lady who lost a lot of weight on an “all green onion” diet .

If anyone is watching CNN (or MSNBC/Fox), and thinks the media is treating this story with the appropriate coverage, please let me know.  My guess is it’s filed in the voluminous “African Indifference” archive.

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Gratuitous World Blog

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      January 7, 2014

      (originally posted 2/10/10) then again (7/9/10) now one more time before retirement. for love. UPDATE: So it’s as hot as fuck out east because, you know, it’s July. Anyway, I’m just checking in because although You Know and I Know daily mid-Atlantic microtrends in weather do not offer any proof or disproof with regard to […]