Posts Tagged GOP 2012

Paul Ryan So Over Explaining Policies And Shit

Posted by Matt on Sunday, September 30th, 2012


Paul Ryan was on Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace.  He’s the serious candidate with the vision to transform our government for the 21st century, slice the debt and create millions of jobs without breaking a sweat.

WALLACE: So how much would it cost?

RYAN: It’s revenue neutral…

WALLACE: No no, I’m just talking about cuts. We’ll get to the deductions, but the cut in tax rates.

RYAN: The cut in tax rates is lowering all Americans’ tax rates by 20 percent.

WALLACE: Right, how much does that cost?

RYAN: It’s revenue neutral.
WALLACE: But I have to point out, you haven’t given me the math.

Ryan: No, but you…well, I don’t have the time. It would take me too long to go through all of the math. But let me say it this way: you can lower tax rates by 20 percent across the board by closing loopholes and still have preferences for the middle class. For things like charitable deductions, for home purchases, for health care. So what we’re saying is, people are going to get lower tax rates.

For the record, the Romney-Ryan campaign has yet to specify exactly what loopholes they would close, though one might wonder how eliminating the mortgage interest deduction would help the middle class.  Just trust them. 12 million new jobs!

Ryan exited, explaining he had a lot to do with the rest of his day:  run a 2-hour marathon, cook a gourmet 12-course meal, and politely resist the advances of Christina Hendricks.

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Meet The Candidates! Todd Akin (Update.)

Posted by Matt on Friday, August 10th, 2012


“I’m going to need one more prop baby up here…”

What happens when Rod + Todd Flanders grow up?  They either enter the seedy underbelly of the BDSM community or win Republican Senatorial Primaries in the Heartland.

Meet Todd Akin.  Representative.  Patriot. Family Man. Crazy Person.

Akin represents Missouri’s 2nd District.  In Washington, he lists himself as (R-St.Louis) despite the fact his district only encompasses suburban St. Louis. He loves the city of St. Louis like he loves liberals:

 Akin once claimed, after an NBC broadcast accidentally omitted “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance, that the network intentionally took it out as part of a “systematic effort to try to separate our faith and God” because “the heart of liberalism really is a hatred for God and a belief that government should replace God.” Despite a strong backlash from religious leaders, Akin refused to apologize and doubled down on his remarks.

Akin is a Tea Partier, majoring in Social Issues with a concentration in Homophobia. From thinkprogress

Akin is one of the seven leading sponsors of anti-gay legislation in Congress, which perhaps follows from his belief that “anybody who knows something about the history of the human race knows that there is no civilization which has condoned homosexual marriage widely and openly that has long survived.” Akin has focused on gay members of the military, pushing legislation that would protect soldiers who chose to harass and bully their LGBT colleagues. He also attempted to block funding for the military unless the Defense of Marriage Act was used to block marriage equality on military bases.

He wants out of the UN, hates Stafford loans, sex offender registries and the homeless.  However, he was a big fan of Right wing militias back in the 90s.  (He didn’t tour with them, but he definitely owned some cassettes.)

The cherry on top? Keep those cherries, ladies.

Republican Rep. Todd Akin, who is running for Senate in Missouri, on  Wednesday said that emergency contraceptive pills should be outlawed.
As  far as I’m concerned, the morning-after pill is a form of abortion,” he told  KCMO’s Greg Knapp, “and I think we shouldn’t have abortion in this country.”

Meet Todd Akin.  The type of candidate standing between the GOP and a Senate Majority.

Update (8/28/12):  Did I miss anything??  While much of the nation has been introduced to Mr. Akin at this point, it should be noted how mainstream his views are within the 2012 GOP.  Paul Ryan co-sponsored 8 anti-choice bills with Akin.  Romney has supported the States enacting outlandish “personhood” Amendments.  (Because those clusters of cells – just like corporations – are people, my friend.)  The call to condemn Akin from the right had nothing to do with actual policy – one Ryan/Akin anti-abortion bill used the definition “forceable rape,” whatever that means.  Akin’s clumsy timing just made it more likely that he would lose and possibly alienate (even more) female voters on a national level.  That’s all.  The GOP has a history of spitting on rape victims.  They only care that these victims carry those fetuses to term.  In fact, Pennsylvania Senate candidate Tom Smith was able to invoke his daughter for some real heartfelt asshattery today:

Tom Smith, the nominee running against Democratic Sen. Bob Casey, made the  comment after being asked how he would argue to keep the baby if a daughter or  granddaughter were to become pregnant as a result of rape. Smith said that his daughter went through “something similar” to the decision  some rape victims have to make, although she was not raped, and that she chose  to keep the child. His position on abortion is to ban it without exceptions for cases of rape or  incest.

“I lived something similar to that with my own family, and she chose the  life, and I commend her for that,” Smith said. “She knew my views, but  fortunately for me … she chose the way I thought.”

Asked how that was similar to rape, Smith said: “Having a baby out of  wedlock.”

While I’m sure his daughter appreciated the attention, I’m wondering if Smith is comparing apples and, I don’t know, oranges rape.

After another follow-up question, about whether the out-of-wedlock pregnancy  was similar to a case of rape, he said: “No, no, no, but, well, put yourself in  a father’s position. Yes, I mean, it is similar, this isn’t, but I’m back to the  original, I’m pro-life — period.”

No, no, no, we get it.  “The father’s position.”  Luckily, 27 states still protect the parental rights of rapists.   Sleep well, Tom.

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Kansas Will Finally Prove “Trickle Down” Policies Are Not Total Bullshit, Right?

Posted by Matt on Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Soon all Kansans will be drinking $300 bottles of wine and celebrating their riches in the World’s finest strip malls.  The flat-staters will be able to ‘boo’ Robinson Cano with the proudest of jeers from the poshest of seats across the border. It will be Galt’s Paved Prairie.

That is, unless a few “moderate” Republicans don’t stop bitching about stupid shit like, “education.”   Pfft. I mean, Kansas State is a totally reputable institution. hilarious.

WICHITA, Kansas, July 18 (Reuters) – Fiscal conservatives in  Kansas have turned their state into a laboratory to test reforms  similar to the “Ryan plan” for massive tax cuts at the national  level — and the result has been a Republican civil war.

Emperor Ryan believes in severe tax cuts for rich people, and apparently the benevolence of those same people to give back to those who won’t bank huge sums from said breaks (everyone).  Guys, don’t ask me how it works.  It just does.  Reagan’s America is apparently not enough.  We need Ryan’s America – which is an even greater concentration of wealth and power in the hands of the plutocracy with the additional requirement that we all be Packers’ fans.

Backers of recent state tax cuts argue they will create jobs  and boost the economy to partially offset lost revenue, with  budget cuts solving the remaining shortfall. The tax cuts go  into effect in January, and the Kansas Legislative Research  Department calculates the lost revenue will amount to the  equivalent of 36 percent of the state budget within five years.

Gov. Brownback took a break from settling petty scores with high school girls to lend his support.

 Republican Governor Sam Brownback has described the reforms  as a “real live experiment” that proponents want to see  implemented at the national level.

Oh good. I’m sure Kansans are pumped to be trailblazers in this GRAND Decimation Of Public Services EXPERIMENT.

It’s so ridiculous that even some Republicans (Kansas Republicans, mind you) thinks the proposal goes a bit too far.

Moderate Republicans, who control the Kansas state Senate  with Democratic help, argue that a tax-cut-fueled boom is a pipe  dream and lost tax revenue will devastate schools, roads and  basic services for the poor, as well as lead to the release of  convicted felons.

According to a Kansas Legislative Research Department  analysis, in fiscal year 2018 (beginning July 2017) the revenue  loss would exceed $900 million and the cumulative hole from  previous years in the projected $6.8 billion state budget would  amount to nearly $2.5 billion. A June 14 Moody’s Investors  Service report said tax revenue losses would be “dramatic,”  adding that “inaction or the use of unsustainable budgetary  measures to offset the loss could lead to a (rating) downgrade.”

Moderate Republicans say dramatic revenue losses will hit  public services hard, especially public education, which  accounts for 62.4 percent of the current annual state budget.

Good luck. Nothing could possibly go wrong.

On a local level, beyond cutting science classes,  you can always save $ by not prosecuting domestic abusers.  Oh they did?  jeez. I was joking.


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Musical Abomination Probably All You Need To Know About CPAC

Posted by Matt on Saturday, February 11th, 2012

CPAC is a magical place – like Medieval Times with more blood-curdling screams. Candidates come and pander. Hate-Mongers hold seminars.  Pam Gellar cropdusts the Marriott hallway.  There are even meetings for conservative singles.

But all you really need to know about can be boiled down to this conservative “rap.”

This is an extremely uncomfortable watch,  but if you can get to the 2 minute mark, it’s pretty awesome.  The one black dude, who I believe is the A/V guy, walks out as the performers make a hilarious joke about being able to exercise their right to say, “Knickers.”

(But when he left everyone relaxed, the women stopped clutching their purses and people just went back to saying the N-word like always.)

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There Are No Delegates In Syria – A CNN Report

Posted by Matt on Saturday, February 11th, 2012

I understand our Media is forever in a state of perpetual election coverage – and it’s actually worse during actual election years.

However, dare I say, the Syrian violence, beyond the mere bloodshed, is a much more important global event than some fringe caucus in Maine. (Is that even a state?)

Here are some reports from media outlets that continue with the novel idea of having foreign correspondents on the ground in places of importance (Not the Bangor Hardee’s).


Analysis: Syria’s complex and bloody crisis


Arab revolutions:  How to set Syria free

Arab World Perspective + Updates:

Syria Live Blog

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Catholic Church Not Cool With Employees Receiving Option of Sex-Related Prescription Coverage (Unless They’re Guys)

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

parents: tattoo this picture on the inside of your tween's eyelids

The Catholic Church, moral paragon of all recent millenia, is leading the charge against the Obama Administration’s decision requiring health insurance companies to offer the option of prescription birth control coverage to women.

According to bloviating bishops + many republicans, this option infringes on an insurance company’s 1st Amendment religious right to deny medication…or something.

(Imagine if the Church had confronted its rampant pedophilia problem with such zeal.)

Rick Santorum is taking time away from bemoaning the horror of granting property + visitation rights to two dudes who love eachother in order to consolidate the haters behind this issue.  Mitt Romney is losing ground because conservatives don’t believe he’s really into controlling the reproductive health of women and shrinking government down to the size where he can save it from your vagina. (That’s -1, Mittens.)

Politically, this issue may fire up the GOP “base,” but for most Americans, the antiquated war on women’s health is probably getting old.  The fact that birth control is beneficial to women’s health by allowing them to regulate periods, space out pregnancies, etc. is just too much to handle, and certainly infringes on conservatives and the Church’s rights to regulate American uteruses (uteri?).

Furthermore, the fact that women have sex for pleasure (or because they’re bored, it’s Wednesday, etc) is enough to make some heads explode.  However, that’s not true for the majority of Americans – Catholics included.

Public Religion Research Institute, asked if all employers should be required to offer healthcare plans that cover contraception:

  • All Americans: broad agreement, 55%-40%
  • Catholics: broad agreement, 58%-37%

the second survey asked the general question first (getting similar results to the PRRI survey) and then asked specifically if Catholic hospitals and universities should be included:

  • All Americans: broad agreement, 57%-39%
  • Catholics: broad agreement, 53%-45%

Don’t worry, Bishops. There will probably be a bigger religious exemption so you can still provide your white-haired minions with a 4-hour Boner Pill to produce genetically messed up sperm, while denying approved and prescribed drugs for female employees.  At least your generation-to-generation consistency is admirable.

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Corporations Turned People Turn 2. Gonna Get Something Nice For Themselves. Or At Least Some Elected Officials

Posted by Matt on Monday, January 23rd, 2012

Where was John Roberts 2 years ago? Holding Justice Kennedy as he gave birth to the Citizens’ United decision. The results have been pretty predictable.  As I said 2 years ago:

The reality is that even prior to this decision, Multi-National Corporations already exert more influence on our government than ever before. The corporatists and the plutocrats rule. All one has to do is look at how fast the government came to the rescue of Wall St. while the middle class is left to implode.  Still, the thought of more government control by multi-national corporations who ship jobs overseas, open up foreign shells to avoid paying taxes, and already own our political process can only be seen as discouraging to American democracy.

There is nothing earth-shattering about that paragraph.  Both critics and supporters of the decision knew where this decision would lead. Here:

Let’s start with the top individual donors.

Got that? Here are the donations to Super PACs

Mother Jones profiled the top-20 donors. And why we currently see it skewed towards the GOP during primary season, I’m guessing the money will soon be hoisted on most candidates who are tempted to sniff the corporate cash, Obama definitely included. 

After all, spending a few million to buy a politician is one of the best investments a person/corp can make.

Happy Birthday.  Not really.

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Chuck Todd Unknowingly Mocks Self By Fearing Colbert’s Mockery Of System Begging To Be Mocked

Posted by Matt on Saturday, January 21st, 2012

Here are Stephen and Herman Cain “campaigning” in South Carolina.

Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow…

This is too much for perpetual election “journalist” and beltway hack, Chuck Todd, who has probably uttered the words “Citizens’ United” thousands of times without explaining to viewers the basis of the decision or what it really means.

Chuck (or “Chinless” as he’s known in our house) addressed Winthrop University on the “roll of the press” with all the self-awareness of a one-eyed wombat.  From C+L:

Look, he’s got a shtick,” Todd told a Winthrop University audience today. “I admire how he’s educated his audience on super-PACs. (But) I think he’s making a mockery of the system. Is it fair to the process?”

Todd also took a swipe at the media for playing along.

Making a mockery of the system? I think the media does that on its own just fine. Perhaps newly ordainedA Better Tomorrow, Tomorrow PAC owner Jon Stewart should save some of that PAC money to put out some ads to rightfully call out the media for their rampant failures: the trumping of the horse race, the lack of fact checking, the callbacks to irrelevant players, the refusal to call out even the most obvious lies and the never-ending navel-gazing that every story is in fact all about the media and not for the edification of their viewers. Todd clutched his pearls some more:

What is his real agenda here? Is it to educate the public about the dangers of money and politics, and what’s going on? Or is it simply to marginalize the Republican Party? I think if I were a Republican candidate I would be concerned about that.”

These are some really poignant questions, Mr. Todd.  Perhaps you should look inward at the MSM’s own agenda ($ + access) as opposed to criticizing a satirical display that’s apparently not nuanced enough for you.  What’s your agenda? Churning out another week’s worth of shallow bullshit that does nothing to educate your viewers? Yes, Stephen Colbert is threatening the system – a system that sees you as integral in marginalizing as many Americans as possible.




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Fox News’ Freudian Slip Of The Day

Posted by Matt on Wednesday, December 14th, 2011

Not looking good for Mittens. Forwarded e-mail from your wingnut relative to follow.

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10 Commandments For Aspiring GOP Presidential Candidates

Posted by Matt on Friday, September 30th, 2011

GOP candidates are quick to indicate certain position points are inspired or dictated by their creator, Reagan Yahweh, or as Republican debate audiences would call him, “Boo!! Socialist!” Here are 10 to live by:

1.    Thou shall not steal unless committing theft with an Invisible Hand.  (R. Paul)

2.    Thou shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. But if you do, he’ll still probably execute the guy if he’s convicted, so don’t sweat it. (R. Perry)

3.    Thou shall not commit adultery  this to memory. (N. Gingrich)

4.    Thou shall not commit adultery…but no one would really blame you, Michelle. (M. Bachmann)

5.    Thou shall seem reasonable relative to colleagues and be rewarded with a plague of Debate Crickets. (J. Huntsman)

6.    Thou shall not forget the free 2-Liter of Soda with every delivery of $20 or more.  (H. Cain)

7.    Remember the Google, to keep it holy.   For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all the frothy fecal matter that is in them, and on the seventh day created Google to put it all on an easy to use search engine.  (R. Santorum)

8.    Thou shall not, shall thou? Yeah, I don’t know. Something about triathlons and privatizing prisons. Yahweh is pretty indifferent here. (Gary Johnson)

9.     Thou shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s, including his conservative street cred. (M. Romney)

10.  Thou shall not eat that 2nd strudel…haha just kidding, do whatever you want as long as you run. Seriously + Sincerely, GOPGOD (C. Christie)

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Gratuitous World Blog

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