THE P.A.S.T.E.Y. AWARD! (v. 2.0)

Background:  Certain athletes get so much recognition that this recognition deserves additional recognition.  But we’re not talking about just any kind of recognition. We’re talking about a special breed of athlete that receives constant accolades from the public, though these accolades usually have nothing to do with actual ability. Thus, this award is named after the young UNC hoops star who epitomizes the spirit, speed, and skin-tone of this particular type of athlete.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, PASTEY II goes to:

 

 

  Hailing from the pastey-friendly state of Oklahoma, this hard-nosed wide receiver catches lots of passes and withstands considerable punishment for the New England Patriots.

 

  Among other great achievements for white wide receivers, Welker is one of only two players in NFL history to ever have converted a field goal, converted an extra point, recorded a tackle, and fielded a punt and kickoff return all in the same game.  If that sounds like an arbitrary distinction to you, kiss my white ass. 

Welker’s game benefits from his perseverance – he was only offered

one scholarship and not drafted when he came out in ’04. It’s possible that playing with one of the NFL’s all-time best QBs may help as well. Anything is possible. Now Wes is often mentioned as among the game’s best receivers.

So Congrats, Wes. This PASTEY is for you.

Whiteness:  Chalk.

Facial Hair:  Amorphous.

Quote:  “After making a first impression so strong he received one of the team’s awards for dedication to the off-season conditioning program, Welker has endeared himself to coach Bill Belichick with a scrappy toughness in the live situations. He has made highlight films with crack-back blocks in the running game. This is how one fits into the Patriots’ culture.” Jarrett Bell, USA Today.

Interview-Style:  Cliche-Driven.